Biting my cheek

Yesterday while I was eating breakfast, I bit into my cheek. It hurt like hell and it took me a little while to actually start chewing again. It was really painful. Throughout the day I chomped into the same wound and had to wait each time for the pain to subside. I knew the wound was there but seemed powerless to stop myself from chewing into it.

Several weeks ago I was with my extended family. I had this idea of how the conversations were going to go. The only problem was that when I had the opportunity to make what I was thinking a reality, I locked up and couldn't follow through with my thinking. I was so frustrated. I was so stuck. To me it compared to biting into my cheek. I know the wound is there. I know it will be painful if I bite into it again. And yet I can't seem to help myself. It prolongs the pain and increases the amount of healing time needed, but I'll be damned if I can stop it!.

OMG

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I am prepping for a class on personality. I went to similarminds.com and took the test of leadership. I'm wondering if everyone who takes the leadership quiz turns out like Hitler, or are there other people you can become. I guess I'll have to keep taking the test until I line up with someone better than this!

Confessions of a Madonna

I have always been intriqued in a disqusted sort of way how Madonna takes religious themes, mainly Christian, and twists them. The name Madonna, the big cross on her ripped tights, and now her "Confession Tour". I realize that the reference is to confessions on a dance floor.

I wonder if that is why there is a screen so the priest can't see the confessor. I would have a hard time listening to someone's confession looking like this.

Ski Resort

It is a strange thing to be at a ski resort and not ski. It’s kind of like being the only sober person at a party. Things look very weird, but those around you act like this is normal.

For example, ski boots. I know that ski boots are designed to give the maximum amount of protection, but when the person is off the skis they walk like a Raptor or a sandpiper, stealth not included. CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP, this mass of reptilian dinosaur-walking creatures move towards and away from the slopes. Adults tug little children clomping along, some children accepting their lot for the day, others clearly uncomfortable in their inability to run. On the slopes, grace is given. In the lodge they look just plain bizarre.

Snowboarders walk more normally in their boots, but one might say that their weirdness may be a more stable quality.

Driving to Colorado

I’ve made the drive many times. This one was pretty hairy! We encountered snow and ice and poorly plowed roads. It was a long exhausting drive.

We had followed weather computer models and attempted to navigate around the storms that were blasting the Midwest. We drove I-90 into South Dakota and we were attempting to predict where we dropped down to I-80. We decided we would stay in Mitchell, and head down Highway 83 that would take us into Nebraska.

After driving for 5 hours we pulled up to a Motel 6 and I checked in. The guy behind the counter looked like Bozo the clown, whose hair had not been combed since waking up. He had a cigarette case in his pocket and his teeth and fingers had that serious amber hue to them of a smoker that had practiced his art for a long time.

The next morning I attempted to get on the Internet at the motel, not an easy task at a Motel 6. I was in the front lobby and Bozo’s wife didn’t have a clue as to why it wasn’t connecting. I gave up and was going to make a call. Someone at the gas station said that there was a DOT building just before the freeway.

We slipped our way to the building and I entered it, walking the linoleum floors, my shoes squeaking from snow melt and slush. I couldn’t tell if I had entered the right door,, all the offices were empty except for one. A middle-aged man was writing at his desk. I asked him if he knew the conditions of the roads ahead. He turned to his computer and showed me all the roads in South Dakota, which were cleared and which were not. It helped greatly with navigation.

I was also receiving phone calls from a friend in Denver updating me on conditions of the road ahead.

We made it to our destination in a much longer time than we had hoped for. Cell phones and computers made the road more manageable. I don’t care what electronics are involved, navigation through bad parts still meant you had to put in the work to make something happen. I don’t want to have to drive something like that anytime soon.

Finding a church

As I continue my journey of faith and grow in new ways, one of the difficult things is finding a church. As the old ways of faith die and I move towards understanding the many facets of grace, I find myself in a grey world where I still function in both worlds. Everything on church web sites I visit seems to perk my interest and raise red flags, at the same time.

In matters of faith, I am anxious moving out of my comfort zone. I strive to eraticate dysfunctional places of faith from my past. I feel the need to push myself into uncomfortable places in my faith journey, but not to dysfunctional places. I want to stretch my faith in trusting God's lead. I do not want to find myself back in places where I am shackled by conformity.

I know every church has its vision. I just wish I could find one that matched mine. Boy doesn't that sound conceited.

Incidentally the picture can be found at this URL.http://www.co.ozaukee.wi.us/Photos/CourthouseSteepleAtSunset.jpg

A Christian Agnostic

On a podcast discussion of a Christian and an atheist, they defined labels: Christian, atheist and agnostic. The atheist was very articulate in differentiating an atheist from an agnostic. He stated that he thought there may be such a thing as a Christian agnostic. As I mulled that idea around in my head, I wondered if I might not be…a Christian agnostic. I don’t think I’ve been one all my life, but as I am getting older and I am slowly losing the belief that I am the center of the universe, I think some form of agnosticism may define what I believe.

www.dictionary.com defines agnostic as follows:
1. One who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a God.
2. One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true atheism.
3. One who is doubtful or noncommittal about something.

How do I stack up to these meanings? I believe God exists. Scratch definition #1. I’m not skeptical that God exists. Scratch #2. I have struggled with doubt and commitment when it comes to God, so there may be a fit there.

In past years, I have seen God work in areas I was raised to believe He didn’t work in. Getting older I have seen God grow in size. Of course I was seeing new facets of God that I had NO idea existed. The more I see it, the less I want to box God into what I think He should or would do. It's His world and He needs no defending, He can take care of Himself...while He is taking care of me... and a gazillion other people. I want to refocus my thinking to realize that I don't know all the ways that God can act. Is that agnosticism?

Here comes one of those pesky agnostic thoughts. What if in referring to God, "He" doesn't apply. I know we are on safe ground referring to deity as a "He" from how He is referred to in scripture, but what if that is only because that is the best adjective in our language and cognitive structural makeup to be able to comprehend a small part of who God is in our feeble minds. "He" refers to a gender, and maybe God is no gender, or both genders. We are made in "His" image, male and female, so in some way both genders represent an aspect of "Him".

If in our eternal life God drops the curtain and reveals His thinking I expect to be blown away by how little I understood in my time on earth. Hopefully God can protect our heads from exploding when we see "Him". Maybe that is why God told Moses that no one can see "Him" and live.

And here is my agnosticism exposed. I don't know how and where God is working. I don't know what He is going to do next, and I'm becoming more comfortable in my doubt. I know He loves me, but I don’t know all the manifestations of that love. It makes the world more exciting to watch for the next unexpected appearances of God. So keep your eyes AND your minds open wide. God is coming…in fact God is here!

At least I think so...

Tears

Tears are so mysterious. We approach them cautiously or avoid them fiercely. For the past several weeks as the quarter is winding down, I have noticed tears from some of my students. I walk into class and pass a student wiping tears away while talking on a cell phone in the parking lot. Later when she joins the class she sits quietly in a corner dabbing her eyes randomly.

On another day another student has runny red eyes and it appears that she will burst into tears if I call on her. I don't.

Another student waits patiently for the class to file out and then apologizes for the time she has missed. As I inquire about her circumstances, she unpacks a burden in the room with tears streaming down her face. She apologizes. She is sorry for exposing her tears.

I watch a documentary on the AIDS epidemic in Uganda. At an orphanage for chidren of AIDS victims that have died, the children stand around and sing a song. I am struck first by the antiphonal beauty of the melody, but then the camera focuses on on the faces of the children, many of them with tears rolling down their cheeks. The narrator explains that the song allows them to express their grief.

In my years of working with people, very few have not apologized for shedding tears. They need to be reassured that their tears are handled with sanctity. Tears are such mystery that we hold them in awe. Tears change the climate of a conversation. Tears are a nonverbal expression of such power that we try to control their very appearance. And yet tears can heal us. Tears can express sometimes, what we cannot verbalize.

I am reminded again that tears are not to be feared, but they are to be treated reverently.

Justice

"Prison cell death deprives the world of justice" This is the headline of an article yesterday about the death of Slobodan Milosevic, a man who aspired to be Hitler for our era. He fell pathetically short in terms of numbers, but similar in terms of ideals.

Why is the world deprived of justice? We need to declare the man be put to death to make it count? Why can't we be happy that the world has one less bad guy? Maybe the trial would have demonstrated that he was in charge of all the ethnic cleansing killings. What does it matter? He had been neutralized with his removal from power, and now he has been neutralized from the world all together.

Unfortunately, his spirit lives on... in all those who treasure him and what he stood for.

The talking hair stylist

I got my hair cut yesterday. Working for a long time in the therapy business and now teaching, I don't mind people not talking when they are doing my hair. I don't have a deepseated need to have them know my business, and I do fine not needing to know theirs. Usually when I get my hair cut, (which is rarely) I sit quietly in my own thoughts and let the operator do battle with my hair.

The operator yesterday didn't seem to get the hint. It was like she was following a script, regardless of whether any other actors were reciting their lines. She asked if I had children, how old they were, where I worked, what I taught, and on, and on, and on. I answered with short answers and not elaborating on anything hoping she would take a hint and cease her barrage. Nothing doing, she kept talking. The woman seemed driven to keep the conversation alive.

I realize she was young. Older operators don't seem to need to converse if the client doesn't want to. I don't know what the young thing was attempting to do. Maybe she thought she was giving me good customer service.

She did give a wonderful scalp massage. The only thing that would have been more enjoyable would have been silence.

Birthday presence

Yesterday was my birthday. There were things I wanted but nothing I needed. I got a toy for my birthday. It was great. I will use it and enjoy it.

I think though, that the best part of my day was dinner, where I was surprised by my boys and some of the girlfriends. It didn't matter what I got for birthday gifts. What I loved was being in the company of those I love and having them share their time with me. It wasn't presents, it was presence.

The Pharisee within

A while back a friend of mine recommended a podcast to listen to. The podcast is called “Dirty little secrets”. Don’t let the explicit label scare you away if you are interested in listening to it. On the podcast are two pastors who started a ministry called XXX Church. The website is www.xxxchurch.com. These two pastors wanted to bring the problem of pornography to a place where we can talk about it openly and in light of our faith. They wanted to get it out of the darkness.

One of their broadcasts they talked to a pornographer called Jimmy D. Not only were they talking to him, they had worked together on a campaign to keep porn out of the hands of children. They even were the officiating pastors at the wedding of his daughter.

As I listened I felt very uncomfortable. I kept thinking that Christians should not be associating with someone of his ilk. As they talked the discomfort grew. These guys were wrong.

What started to eek around the edges of my “faith” as I listened, was the understanding that it was exactly these people that Jesus associated with, to the point that he was called a drunkard and a partier. The Pharisees were marked in the bible by the belief that somehow they were better than the “sinful” masses. I realized that I was looking down my nose at this pornographer and judging myself more worthy than he. I was in fact a Pharisee.

I have realized that there is a wide disconnect between what I believe and who I really am, and I consider myself supremely blessed when that is pointed out to me, and I am able to hear it. I guess you could say that I was blessed by that podcast.

Misbehaving at the table

At church yesterday while waiting to take Communion, I pondered the mystery presented in the elements. What I realized again was that this is the table of Christ. I am called to participate. This is God's way for letting me experience family life, understanding that regardless of what I've done, I am accepted and welcomed and loved.

As we were waiting to leave our seats and recieve the elements, a father and daughter were playfully bumping hips. In fact the girl bumped her dad so hard that he almost lost his footing. They grinned at each other, walked to the front of the church when prompted and were included in the meal.

In my past the focus I have been aware of in Communion was that if you didn't do it right, sickness or death would be your fate. (2 Corintians 11:30) Receiving the elements was an experience of anxiety, hoping that God could see I was trying to do it correctly.

That is not how I see it now. God has included me in his family, regardless of who I am. I am there by grace. As I watched the hipbumping father daughter duo, it was good to know that even at the family table there are playful side conversations going on and we all are loved and welcome in God's dining room, even if we are misbehaving.

Taking out the trash

Today I threw something in the trash. I stopped to think about what day it was. I realize that some of my life is built around trash day. I see the canister getting fuller as the week goes by and it is such a great feeling to come home to an empty trashcan, knowing that someone took it all away. The week can begin anew.

I started thinking about where we go for trash day in our internal lives. In living we generate trash around the house in the form of discarded packaging, dirt and dust. I believe we do the same in our internal lives as well. Living is mess. So where do we go to dump the mess in our internal lives on a consistent basis? The Catholics may have been on to something with confession, by allowing the priest to be the garbage collector, and admitting how long it has been since the last time you took out the trash.

A shift in thinking Part 1

A friend of mine gave me a book called “The gospel according to the Simpsons”. I wasn’t thrilled but decided to read it with an open mind. I consider myself as thinking outside the box when it comes to God, and Christianity. When I saw the two combined, I wasn’t too thrilled. I have history with the Simpsons.

As I read the book, I realized that I had never given the Simpsons a chance when it came to an honest assessment. I saw Bart as being a brat and not wanting to encourage that in my children I placed the show off limits to them. They ended up sneaking watching it when I wasn’t nearby. Eventually I gave up trying to monitor it at all and it became a part of their world.

What troubled me as time went on was how consuming the show was in my children’s thinking. It became their worldview, their mental schemata for encountering new experiences. If there was something they didn’t understand they referred to an episode or a character in the series and related it to that. Honestly, that bothered me a lot.

What the book is pointing out to me is that I no longer have to look at this through the eyes of a father concerned about influences on his children. I don’t know that it will ever be a show I will enjoy watching. Maybe I’m too old, too set in my ways. But the book has been able to shine a light into my thinking and my heart and illuminate areas that can be softened.

Compete or eat

The Sunday paper had an article describing how younger children are experiencing substantial injuries at younger ages from organized sports.I thought about a relationship between childhood obesity and an increase in significant sports injuries in children.

I remember as a kid, leaving the house on a given Saturday and being gone for a significant part of the day. I played war with toy guns, rode bikes everywhere, and played pick up games of football, baseball, kickball, or tag.

So what has happened?

A number of years ago, my children walking purchased bicycles out to the car from a Target store, heard someone holler at us from a checkout stand "didn't you buy helmets for those kids?"As a parent there has been increasing pressure to comply with the norms of the community. You could counter the community values and send your kids to the park, and they would either be by themselves, or other parents would be critically watching the child whose parents don't care.

We don't let our children play anymore. At least not out of our sight, and not without all the protective gear that can be found. We are fearful of the preditory stranger who will abduct our child. We are fearful that our children will injure themselves, through rough play or antiquated playground equipment.

Somehow my generation survived, Okay, most of us.

So what is left? For some there is competitive sports which allows the child to be supervised by an adult. Those who don't have the skill or desire, play video games where they perform feats of skill, bravery, danger, and the like, all within the safety of the home. They may die a million times in the video game, but they come up for a meal when called. (Okay, maybe that last one is a stretch.)

There aren't many options left children any more. Watch movies, and play video games on the one end, and compete at an ever increasing rate if you want to stay in the game. Compete or eat.

We see what we want to see

I was at a basketball game last night. The referees were mediocre in their calling of the game. They missed a lot of fouls, and traveling calls. We were sitting in an area with fans of the opposing team surrounding us. They roared their disapproval, pointing out the referee's mistake when calls were made or not made in our team's favor. When the referees missed a call in their team's favor the throng around us was eerily silent.

In continuing my harangue of the religious right's outrage of the heaping of awards and honors on the gay elements in films, I read an intriguing blog from Hollywood Jesus where the writer was appalled that the religious right had not condemned the use of torture by our military and secret service.

I guess in a way it is no different than the game last night. The religious right is vigilant in their self interest. They bellow when calls don't go their way, and silent when there are actions that are tacitly agreed with. Outrage and silence used to their advantage.

Let's be honest here

Christian groups have launched a furious campaign against Hollywood, claiming the Golden Globe Awards promote films with gay or "leftist" themes to serve a political agenda. This, after the awards given to Brokeback Mountain, Capote, and Transamerica, depictions of alternate sexual lifestyles, all won awards, while Narnia won nothing.

As I see it, two factors are at work here. One is that a few years ago "good Christians" didn't go to movies. We go now. The other factor is that the evangelical community has entered the political arena. Rather than being “salt and light” in a dark and tasteless world, they are attempting to insure their rights by political means. When you enter politics you are faced with might, not necessarily right.

Some religious leaders are concerned about what they see as the “homosexualization” of America. I think that to people who classify themselves as GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered), it looks like the Christianization of America. But (as they say) that’s politics! Many in the religious community have focused on political agendas to get their values in. Since all are now in the same arena, I guess the one who screams the loudest or leverages the most power will win.

Let's be honest here. Politics is politics. If you don't like the movie, don't go see it. It seems to me to be just that simple. Why get so up in arms? In fact, I think controversial movies benefit from the uproar.

I don't care for horror or violent movies. I don’t complain, I just don’t spend my money there. However, a movie I did see and liked was “Silence of the lambs”. There was a WHOLE lot of sinning going on in this movie, including a person who eats people, and another one who skins people. It won five Oscar awards in 1992 for best actor, actress, director, picture and screenplay adaptation from a book. One has to wonder where the religious people were for that! It’s hard to have a good horror flick without someone being murdered. The last time I checked, murder is mentioned in the Ten Commandments, but I don’t think sodomy is identified by name. I think it is implied in the adultery, coveting section.

I could also bring up Charlise Theron in 2004 for her incredible performance of Aileen Wournos, a female serial killer. Oh wait, she portrayed a lesbian, Never mind.

I am not endorsing the movie. I don’t find it entertaining to see two guys playing tonsil hockey. Neither do I find it entertaining to watch graphic images of violence and killing. But let’s not be hypocrites here. I think the religious leadership better be very careful how they tread here so they don’t make the distinction of elevating one sin over another. Last time I checked the Bible said that God hates ALL sin.

Politics is seductive and it gives the illusion that changes are being made. However politics may not be the most powerful force for good. Maybe Christ-followers committed to loving people around them as Christ does may be more effective than legislating from on high.

Definition:Propaganda

prop·a·gan·da Propaganda is information that you don't agree with. Fair and balanced information is information that you agree with.

And the winner is...

The critics have spoken. Brokeback Mountain, the movie about the gay cowBOYS (and I don't mean happy) walked away with 4 Golden Globe awards, best dramatic film, director, song, and screen play. Narnia got nothing.

If you look at it a different way Brokeback grossed 4.9 million in two weeks. Narnia grossed 66 million in it's opening 3 day weekend. I wonder if that says anything about the values of the two movies.

The "back to their roots" boat cruise

The Minnesota Vikings ended their football season several weeks ago. At the same time Mike Tice, the head coach was fired. One of the problems that didn't enhance Tice's Viking's career was a boat trip some of the team members took a while back. There were allegations of sexual impropriety that happened on the cruise. People were embarrassed and disappointed by it.

Robert Bly, a modern day poet and "Men's movement guru" has had males paint their faces, don loin clothes, and beat drums to get in touch with the primal male inside. It is a chance to get back to their roots.

Maybe that is how we should look at the Viking's cruise boat incident. If you go back to the original Vikings, they did a lot of raping and pillaging. Perhaps this was just an opportunity to go back to their roots at least on the raping part. I guess the pillaging may come later. (maybe with the advent of a new stadium).

The males who beat drums know that this is just part of a artificially contrived paid activity to provide the participant with new insight, The Vikings may have had the same idea in mind by hiring prostitutes to play the part of the raped woment.

I think we should lighten up on the boys in purple. A little compassion and understanding may be in order here. It's better when we know who we are and where we came from.

Whose side is God on?

The Colts are out of the running now for the Superbowl. In the Times online Tony Dungee was reported to now have to face the grief of his son's suicide without the distraction of coaching. He was quoted as saying that “And I wish we were going a little longer.(The Colts) I really thought the Lord’s hand was on this team.”

Who side is God on? What Tony is implying is that God is only on the side of the winners. If you are a loser God's hand wasn't on you. That's not how I read the Bible. What the Bible states is that ones who are willing to lose are God's champions.

I know the metaphor falls apart when you invoke a football team's season. However Tony, God embraces those who have lost. I think that means He has His hands on you. Even better yet, He has his arms around you.

My how time flies

The holidays are over. I was going to start blogging again. As I look at the last time I made an entry it doesn't seem that long, but I think I'm going on a month. The weird thing is that it doesn't seem that long. Why is it that when I'm waiting for something, time can take so long, and when I am going to "get around to it:" time just flies?

Getting what we need

At Home Depot a cell phone dropped on the floor behind me. It skidded to a stop at the back of my heel. “Thanks for dropping my phone!” a woman’s voice said angrily. A little boy of five responded “You’ve dropped it too, mom.” To which mom snapped back “Yeah, but its my phone!”

Both mom and son attempted to justify their own behavior, supplying reasons for why they should get a pass on the mistakes made. The son saying that he only did what his mom had done. Mom attempting to justify her anger at someone else’s careless treatment of her stuff.

I wonder what mom says if the phone stops working from the drop. If she has to replace it, will she cop to the truth, claiming ownership. “Excuse me miss, have you ever dropped the phone, or exposed it to water?” “No, it just stopped working. I don’t know what happened.”

It really boils down to saying what we need to, to justify our actions or getting our approval needs met.

Traditions and retreads

Today we went to a Christmas Eve service. It had all the trappings of tradition in it, the responsive readings, the candles, and the Christmas hymns. We responded in mass, moved as a congregation, singing and responding on cue.

At the beginning of the service the pianist and a flutist were playing “He will feed His flock” from Handel’s Messiah. I closed my eyes and the music took me away. I floated through past Christmases and association with the song. I was lifted heavenward. The melody took me from the building, away from the fancy dresses, the light chitchat and the crying babies.

I was brought back to earth after the prelude was over. The service felt like all out war between the pianist and the organist. One played in major, the other minor, there were chord wars for the right of transition, and at the end, and the organist was a mare galloping back to the barn at day’s end. The piano player was banging out the tempo, but the organist was not having any of it. The congregation remained confused as to whom to follow. The organ had the volume pedal so was able to gain the upper hand.

It’s tradition to go to this service. So why do I follow tradition? Why is it so hard to break through tradition and experience Christ’s birth one more year in my heart? The further I drive down the road of life the smoother my tires get. My tread is wearing thin,

The older I get, the more I lose the illusions that life provides us when we are young. These illusions allow us to vote, enjoy friends, participate in activities, get jobs, get married and birth children. The older I get, the less I know what I believe. So much of life doesn’t add up. Life’s twists and turns have gotten slipperier.

So part of the slipping is I show up at the Christmas Eve service. I say the words they ask me to say, I watch the faithful primp and adjust themselves to maintain appearances, and I sit back in amusement as the instruments do battle. There is less room in this inn right now to accommodate a Child of faith. I’m driving slow, following the taillights of those ahead of me. I’m not in the fast lane passing the throng. I’m driving slow, afraid of sliding off the road of life.

I pray for retreading, a new fresh layer to give me traction for my faith.

A new way to encourage a Merry Christmas

I wrote earlier about how the Pope had called the flock to more of a habit of the heart. I also talked about the American religious leaders aiding us in focusing our purchasing power. Those two ideas just coalesced into an idea that could bring the entire nation back to acknowledging Christmas.

Maybe we should follow the Pope's edict. Make Christmas more about moving away from materialism. We could stay at home and treasure family time, with reading, playing games, going out for walks, and the like. Activities could be encouraged that could be done at home and allow the families to grow closer together. It is sorely needed in this country. Maybe the idea is not to focus our purchasing power, but to stop spending.

If we stopped spending, the retailers, who are already nervous may turn all out terrified. I'll bet they would embrace anything Christmas. I could envisioning all kinds of ads: Ghosts of Christmas, images of the Christ child, Mary, Joseph, angels; all the trappings of an old time CHRISTMAS. They may even stop selling anything with the words "Season's Greetings" on it. The faithful in this country wouldn't have to decide where to spend their hard earned clams. There would be pleading and begging on every street corner, markdowns and sales galore, free give-aways, and anything else that would entice buyers into the store.

Then we could go back to the Christmases we have had in the past, forgive all and spend once again to beat the band. Only this time Merry Christmas would ring from the lips of all.

I just wonder if our attitude would be changed and we would see what we value in a different light by staying home and resisting the urge to spend?

Maybe I'll make that resolution on New Year's for next Christmas. I'm all done shopping for this year.

I didn't get it.

I have seen both Clooney movies now; Syriana, and Good night and good luck. I was just as confused at both of them. There was a lot that wasn't explained and you had to make the connection. Some of the connections were pretty elusive.

The movies are getting a lot of critical acclaim. I feel like I'm missing something. The major distiction I made is one had a bit of blood and explosions in it and the other one had a lot of people smoking in it. I got both movies, but I would be hard pressed to tell you what I got, other than Big Oil Companies run the world, and Joe McCarthy was a bully.

Other than that, it's a mystery as to why they are getting so much good press.

What do you think?

Is nothing sacred?

They’re calling it quits. Five years after Kathleen Peterson and Carolyn Conrad joined together legally in the first Civil Union ceremony in this country, they are abandoning their commitment. The pair was the first to enter into a civil union after former Vermont governor Howard Dean signed the legislation into law in 2000.

Actually some are calling what they are doing a divorce.

Okay I try to be tolerant to people different than me, but I must admit, I’m pretty peeved! A DIVORCE? What is this country coming to? Divorce is reserved for people who are married not civilly unionized. I’m sorry! You can’t just come into our world and co-opt our word for the ending of a marriage! Divorce should stay in heterosexual language and we won’t share!

Come up with your own word. Call it something else. Call it decoupled, dissolved, decivilized disunion. Call it anything you want, but don't call it divorce.

Sheez, is nothing sacred?

Narnia versus Brokeback Mountain

Aslan has come to the theatres. Narnia is playing the big screen. All the Christian folks are rejoicing that their story is being told. You have to hand it to Disney, that even though they haven’t been best friends with the religious at times, they had the courage to get the story right. Score one for the Christians.

At the same time Brokeback Mountain is gaining critical acclaim for its portrayal of two cowboys (emphasis on "boys") who fall in love with each other. Score one for the gay community.

Now comes the battle of words. “The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe” is being blasted as nothing more that Christian propaganda by some. On the other side “Brokeback mountain” is being referred to by the religious community as homosexual propaganda.

I’m not sure how success will be measured, if it is box office sales or an increase in professing Christians or homosexuals. The battleground for the moral compass seems to have been moved out of the church and is now being fought on the big screen.

In the end I wonder if any movie has the power to change a person’s outlook or lifestyle. Maybe we should just accept movies for what they are…entertainment.

May the best picture win!

Dogs and air marshals

Several weeks ago the news was plastered everywhere that a woman Isabelle Diroir had had a face transplant. As it turns out she had a nose, lips and chin grafted from the face of a dead woman. As the story developed, Isabelle’s 17 year old daughter stated that the reason the woman needed a face transplant was because she had overdosed on sleeping pills, Her daughter said “We don’t know whether the dog bit or clawed her, but it managed to pull her awake. In a way, it was lucky for her that the dog was there."

Two days ago a local TV news spot featured a woman who had been subdued by an air marshal several years ago. This piece was in reference to the person shot by an air marshal in Miami, last week. She stated that she had been flying to Alaska to end her life. She was drugging and her life was a mess. She spent a number of years in prison for her stint. She was upset at the air marshal that ended the unruly passenger's life in Miami. She stated her gratitude for the air marshal that saved her life. She talked about having something to live for now that she has cleaned up her life.

It strikes me about how many different ways there are to save a person’s life. I understand that when a person spirals into despair, there has to be something to shake them from their intentions. I guess it could be concluded that saviors come in different ways, and sometimes in different species as well.

A difference in focus

Religious leaders in this country are all up in arms because the word “Christmas has been taken out of much of the retail advertisements this year. It is getting humorous to see how much religion can be taken out of a religious holiday. I have been amused in years past as to how some school districts have bent over backwards to not “offend” anyone with references to Christian holiday trappings. There are only so many songs you can sing before you have to use “Christmas” carols, and there is only so much you can rework the lyrics before the integrity of the song is destroyed.

The religious leaders are striking back this year. Yessir! They are boycotting stores that don’t use the word "Christmas" in their store advertising. And there just may be enough people out there to seriously make a dent in a store’s profits.

The pope came out with a proclamation yesterday saying that materialism is destroying the Christmas season

In Rome, the religious leadership is attempting to encourage its followers to move this holiday season back to a state of the heart. In our country the religious leadership is directing people where to focus their purchasing power.

Silly Retailers

Silly retailers. You're peddling fantasy. You want us to buy your wares so you can improve your bottom line. That is admirable. We are all looking for advancing our lives and businesses. And what do you promise us in the deal? You offer us the possibilities for success, happiness, contentment, convenience, and admiration having your merchandise in our possession. Why else would we spend millions of dollars on all our purchases that we mostly live without?

So why are you so foolish now? You are avoiding using the word “Christmas” in your advertising. You are replacing it with words like holiday, winter, seasons greeting and other euphemisms. Be careful. You may capture new markets of those who don’t buy into the whole Christmas theme. However you may also be endangering maintaining the biggest fantasy of all: the belief of millions that we still live in a “Christian” nation. You might not want to imperil that fancy. There are enough that it may cut into that bottom line.

Repeat after me Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

The wages of choice

Nguyen Tuong Van, 25, was hanged before dawn in Singapore. He was convicted of drug trafficing. I must admit I felt a sense of uneasiness knowing that he was hanged and the unwavering stance of the government.

In another land four men have been kidnapped and face death possibly by beheading. They are peace activists who were in Iraq to help improve the conditions there.

While I feel more sadness for the Iraqi hostages, I keep coming back to the simple thought that they all made choices. If I make a choice to drive into oncoming traffic with my lights off I would face tragic consequences. They all made choices. One to break the law by possessing heroin. The others made the choice to help in a land where providing that help can be very dangerous.

It is strange that when something ends badly we feel a sense of unfairness. But life is tricky. We make choices and then we have to live with the consequences.

Pain in the butt

Researchers from Dublin admitted the other day that because butts have gotten more fatty, the needles aren't long enough to place the medication where it needs to be. As a result they are adocating longer needles.

I guess I have to apologize to all you slender people out there for getting fat. I realize that because of my weight gain you may have to suffer. I could lose weight now, but the damage is done.

Umm, sure I'll take another helping.

Dawn of the cyber dead

This world gets scarier and scarier in the PC world. It makes you wonder how long it will be before we don't think it is worth sticking with the computer.

The latest attack, the Sober virus. Once launched, the Sober virus scans the user's hard drive for e- mail addresses and sends the bogus e-mail to new recipients. After that, it awaits further instructions from its creator, effectively transforming the infected system into a remote-controlled zombie computer that can be used for further spamming or computer attack.

I guess the good news is that it doesn't dine on human flesh. Even if my computer has gone "zombie" at least I know it may only be going for my identity and not my life. At least one thing to be grateful for.

All that Glitters could be shot

Gary Glitter is in the news. It's been a long time since he has been heard of. He is an icon in our culture for his classic hit, Rock n' Roll Part 2. He is a meaningful part of our culture as he has enabled a group of insane football fans to yell "HEY!" the same time at specific intervals, which can be pretty complicated when alcohol is involved.

Gary was considered a "Glam Rocker" from the late 90's. His works include a couple best hits albums as well as a single of Rock n' roll part 2. Where is part 1? How do you have best hits albums when your original albums are not to be found?

So what is Gary up to now? He has been hiding out in Vietnam accused of having sex with a 12 year old Vietnamese girl. What happens if he is convicted? He could be executed by firing squad or given life in a Vietnam prison. Gee, what to choose?

Either way, if Gary is convicted, this world will lose a great contributor to American society. Hey Gar, we'll miss you, but don't forget you will be memorialized everytime "HEY" is chanted at a football game. Your legacy will live on.

It's great to be an ex

On the news it was reported that the gunman, Dominick Sergio Maldonado, who opened fire in a Tacoma mall, in Washington State, had sent text messages to several of the people he knew saying that soon the world would feel his pain. One person he sent the text to was Bret Strickler, who said he was Maldonado's best friend. Another person he texted was his ex-girlfriend, Tiffany Robison. She was on the news talking about how sad it was that he was reaching out and no one was there to help him.

He sent you the freaking text message!!!!!!! OMG! WHERE WERE U?!!!!

I suppose it's not her job. After all she is an ex. So whose job is it to help people with their pain? There are half a dozen people who are helping Muldonado with his pain by recovering at local hospitals. How do they deal with their pain?

Hey Tiff, next time a friend in pain contacts you, do this world a favor. Don't pawn this off as a societal problem that someone should have been there. You were there. GET THEM HELP YOURSELF!

Sustained by love

One thing that is fun about getting older (and there aren’t many things that are fun about getting old) is that you get to see how people turn out.

I saw a couple I didn’t recognize get out of a car at church. I got in the building before them and was talking to other people. The man I'd seen in the parking lot entered the building, walked up to me and thrust his hand out to me. When I recognized him, he threw his arms around me in a bear hug.

This man was a little boy when I first met him. As he grew, his life became increasingly troubled. I'm not surprised that I hadn't recognized him. I had seen him pierced, dyed, wild and restless. He was a changeling, trying to figure out who he was.

I hadn’t seen him for a few years. As he grew, he was loved. He was held accountable for his out-of-control behavior, but he was never rejected. I had a very small role in his life. My job was to love and accept him regardless of who he was becoming whenever I saw him. I did, and regardless of his circumstances he accepted that love hungrily.

Now here he was strutting down the hall with a girlfriend in tow. He looked like he had settled some scores with the world and was attempting to bring meaning to his life. He looked confident. I’m sure he still struggles with demons from his past, but he continues on, sustained by love.

It is tempting to believe that we are here because of ourselves. We are not. We are here because of people who loved us, who believed in us, and wanted the best for us. For most it is family, for some it is unrelated believers. And don't count out the incidental accomplices in our lives that gave us random words of encouragement. We are all sustained by love.

It's all about connection

I was running through the blog circuit, checking out to see who had new entries. One of the blogs acknowledged the birthday of a fellow blogger and so, curious, I went to his site. He described how his pastor had died that day from electrocution. I read with horror about a good man who, in an instant of a wrong decision, accidently ended his life. It was sad and tragic.

In the several days following, I saw that story making its way through the internet home pages and news reports. It was in such small spots that if I hadn't known the story, I might not have seen it. It occurred to me that we notice more and feel more if we have some sort of connection to the person, story, or event. Mine was a friend of a friend.

In high school a classmate of mine died. She was not a real close friend but she was someone I talked to a couple times a week and we shared some of what we were thinking. She was killed in a scuba diving accident. What amazed me was how many people claimed her as their good friend after she died. The whole school was her friend.

In that same vein, isn't that we are attempting to do when we name drop. Somehow by knowing someone makes us someone. I met Jack Lord once. These days people say "Who?" His famous line was "Book 'em Danno!" Why is it that groupies will follow after their idols, and pay large fees for autographed memorabilia.

I think we all want to know that we matter and we tend to do it through who we can demonstrate we have had a connection with.

Reporting the news

We like to believe that news is reported. I believe it is sold. While the flooding was going on with Katrina, service personnel and civilians were still being killed in Iraq. That took a back seat to the carnage of the gulf coast states. Today there was a piracy attempt against a cruise liner. The reports documented 3 or 4 other attacks that I don't remember ever even seeing.

Now Geraldo wants to sell the news with passion. What is that? Does he pace the stage like a televangelist yelling "Jaysus told me to tell you that this next story was really important". Or chanting "Hell no we won't go!" while holding up a placard with the words "Bring our troops home!"

What about news with humor? You could have two news anchors bantering back and forth about the major stories of the day, sliding in jokes along with the stories.

Rick: "Mudslides in Mexico claimed the lives of thousands of people. When asked what it was like, one survivor exclaimed, "Dude, what a ride."
Wanda: "Pirate attack on a cruise liner off the coast of Somalia. No one was hurt and the attack was thwarted."
Rick:"That reminds me, Wanda, did you hear about the new sexy pirate movie coming out?"
Wanda: "No Rick, I haven't."
Rick: "It's rated AARRHH!!!"
Rick and Wanda: "Hahahah!"
Wanda: "Another beheading in Iraq. When confronted with his brutal savagery, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi angrily responded "What, do you have something about Arabs getting ahead?

Yea, as I think about it it would be funny... but not in a humorous way. Maybe we just better leave it to Jay Leno and Jon Stewart. At least we know they are telling jokes not reporting.

Ssmmookkiinn''

There are times when I feel I'm observing insanity. Tonight I watched a touching commercial about quitting smoking and that there are no safe cigarettes. The sponsor of the ad is revealed to be Phillip Morris, the maker of tobacco products. The message of this ad is quite simple: Please let us help you stop using our product. It will hurt you!

Huh?

I realize that this is punishment of cigarette manufacturers for putting addictive qualities in their cigarettes to hook the young into becoming loyal customers. Their penalty has been to convince people not to use their product.

At the same time we are pummeled on a daily basis from advertisers obsessed with convincing us that we need far more than we do. When we go to the store we purchase much more than we need. One could say that in this country we are addicted to accumulating. We have the majority of the world's wealth and we could live with far less that we do, yet advertisers have convinced us that we need more, more, more!

So the question I have is this: what if other companies were made to do what the cigarette have to do? After all our lust to consume more looks pretty addictive in this country. (If you don't believe me, Christmas is coming!)

"Hi, welcome to Penney’s. I would like to introduce you to Martha, your personal shopping assistant. She is a free service that we provide you to help you make responsible merchandise choices. She will accompany you to assist you in deciding whether the purchases you are thinking about, make sense, or if you are driven by the advertisement soaked belief that you need any given item."

Not only have we provided personal shopping assistants, but also all impulse items will be pulled from around the registers, eliminating the last minute purchase of items your children are screaming that they can't live without ( Consumers in training). As a courtesy we will have trained shopping counselors in each department to help you decided whether what you purchasing is driven by impulse or by need.

Something tells me that if this is what businesses would have to deal with in this country, it may be cheaper to do business in another country. Then all the money we can't spend because we don't have the stores around anymore could be sent to other countries so they could afford this newfound obsession of theirs.

Modesty

Janet Jackson has gotten nailed...well, not literally. She was soaking up the sun in the buff unaware of a camera clutching story hound filming her sunbathing escapade. It has gotten to the internet and Janet says she's distressed and embarrassed. Janet has asked them to stop in the name of decency. Oh my!

This from the garment malfunctioning superbowl diva. I'm sure a lot more people got a shot at a part of her body that should have stayed covered up, at least for live TV, than are going to see her latest video.

Janet, I'm sure you wanted me watching your act at the Superbowl. But what do I tell my daughter? Do I tell her that modesty means that it's okay for my daughter to expose herself in public only if she has control? If truth be told, I didn't see your breast during the superbowl half time show, because I had taken my daughter out of the room. I was already offended by the inappropriate messages flowing across the airways before you even got to the stage. So I missed the whole debacle. Let me guess, at the Superbowl, exposure is art and shouldn't be censored, in the back yard it's insensitive and heartless. Your neighbors must love you!

Don't worry Jan, I'll turn my back while you get dressed, and I promise not to peek!

It's the thought that counts

Out to eat the other day, I was waiting for my party to leave the restaurant. While I waited, a group of young adults exited. One woman had a crumpled wrapper in her hand. She passed by a trashcan and threw the wrapper towards the trash can opening. The wind caught the paper and it landed 8 inches away from the can. She paused for a second, and then kept on going, not missing a syllable of her conversation and leaving the litter where it lay. I have seen countless trash receptacles with trash bits around nearby.

I now believe those pieces of paper represent people who were willing to do the right thing as long as it didn’t cost them too much. I’ve seen people intentionally litter the ground with their waste. The ones that just missed the receptacle are attempting to do their part. If the trashcan is missed, “it’s the thought that counts” works well to soothe our troubled hearts. “I tried. It just didn’t work out.”

Now when I pass littered trashcans, I see good intentions. A lot of them! It has been said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. If that is true, I guess one way we might recognize that road is by all the trash scattered around.

Give me Tamiflu or give me dealth

Tamiflu, salvation to the world. Tamiflu, the vaccine that will protect humans against Bird Flu.

The last couple days the focus of health officials has been to threaten the halting of Tamiflu vaccine because people are hoarding it. There is even frustration over America with its rich resources hoarding it from the world.

My only question is, what the hell did they think people would do? Did they really think that if death was on the line, people would share? I have just been told that millions of people will die a horrible death from Bird Flu. My first response will be “hopefully there will be enough to go around, but I’ll make sure others are vaccinated first”. Yeah right!

On the other side of the coin are those who are hoarding. With hoarding comes the belief that Tamiflu can save them. Anyone who understands how flu vaccines work understand that each year flu vaccine is based on a best guess as to which strain of flu is going to break out. If the Bird Flu strain is mutating, good luck!

Medical science has done some spectacular things. What it has not done is given us 100% cure rate. So hoard away! I really hope it saves you! You just might have more faith in this than I do.

Harry, we hardly knew ye!

Boy, am I disappointed! I was hoping for TV as riveting as Katrina coverage. I couldn't wait for the confirmation hearings for Harriet Meirs. I figured fur would fly, as senators pummeled her with questions that required insanely intelligent answers. Instead she ducked the fight.

I watched with amusement how John Roberts deftly sidestepped his questioners. Everyone knew he was avoiding troublesome topics, but no one could trick him into giving some enough information to logically reject him.

If Harri is the feisty cat the president said she was, I couldn't wait for round two!

Nope, she stepped down. I think the woman’s movement might have taken a hit here. What Harri demonstrated is that if it’s too tough she will bolt. Or is it that she will do whatever it takes to protect her man? Harriet, if you couldn’t stand the heat, why did you ever volunteer for the kitchen?

Let’s all sing it together… “Stand by your man”…

Shut the cluck up!

Breaking news. Bird flu! Pandemic! Millions of people will die! The world is overdue for death and destruction of this magnitude! We are monitoring chickens, ducks, geese and parrots, but we are powerless to stop the spread of this horrible disease! This on the shirttails of hurricane distruction, earthquakes, mudslides, tsunamis. Will it ever end?

Then today I read: Despite increasing public nervousness, Margaret Chan, assistant director-general of the World Health Organization, said the general population should remember it is relatively hard to catch bird flu.

"We are not in a pandemic yet and I don't want the community to have unnecessary anxiety," she told Reuters Television in an interview.

Oh isn't that helpful! First you tell me that millions will die, but now I find out it's "relatively" hard to catch. And can you let me know what necessary anxiety is?

It seems to me that the news has found a lot of success in wall-to-wall coverage of disasters. 911 gave us video footage that looked like it came from a Hollywood set. We saw mind-numbing coverage of the gulf coast states devistation. We haven't seen much footage from Pakistan, most likely because we can't find enough people with their own video cameras (but that's another issue).

Now along comes bird flu. H5N1 is its real name. It has been touted to have the potential to kill millions of people. Remember last year? There was a shortage of flu vaccine. People were in a panic. A crisis over what was going to happen. If any people died from last year's breakout, it wasn't enough to merit wall-to-wall breaking news coverage. I don't even think I saw anything in the news crawl at the bottom of any news channel.

Almost all the Hollywood disaster movies start out with someone who knows what disaster is going to happen to end the world, Then there are those who shut the doomsayer down because the higher-ups don't want the general public to panic on their watch. Where are these higher-ups here? Who let the cat, sorry, I mean duck out of the bag? I don't see a hook coming out to snag the necks of the WHO officials claiming pandemic and pull them off stage.

This plague doesn't even have the panic sex appeal of "Mad Cow Disease". Most of us have gotten the flu, but most of us have not gone crazy. Most. Bird Flu doesn't sound scary.

I can't say we shouldn't be concerned. I'm just not willing to get my heart rate up for that. I'm not getting vaccinated this year. I'm not afraid. I'm going to live on the edge. I've been living with the potential of doomsday since 911. After all, the car next to me might be packed with explosives and will blow soon. The person on the street next to me might be a terrorist with a dirty bomb that will make me really sick before I die a horrible death. The person walkng into my building may detonate his backpack when he is in the middle of a crowd. I am going to take precautions like washing my hands and staying away from sick people with flu-like symptoms, but I won't live my life in fear. So kindly shut the cluck up unless it's heading my way. Oh wait, don't worry, I'll get my alerts from the freaking wall-to-wall news coverage. I will see it coming miles off.

In the mean time "that was a chicken sandwich, hold the mayo. Oh, and by the way, do you know how this chicken died?"

A true humanitarian

The other day I was watching my daily fix of news TV. I watched on CNN as a businessman named Joe Francis was interviewed on national TV. He wanted to do his part to help the devistation in New Orleans along with thousands of other. He stated that he was giving 100% of the earnings of one of his products.

What products? Funny you should ask. He is the CEO and producer of those ever popular "Girls gone wild" video series that advertizes on late night TV. That's right boys and girls. While he is not giving away all his profits he is planning to donate 100% of the proceeds from the sale of Mardi Gras-themed videos to the Red Cross to help Katrina victims. The Mardi Gras-themed videos include such titles as "Mardi Gras 3-Pack," "Mardi Gras 2K4," and "Girls Gone Wild Doggystyle" with rapper Snoop Dogg.

"Year after year the city of New Orleans and its citizens have welcomed us with open arms, and we have looked forward to our yearly trip to the Big Easy. The utter destruction of New Orleans and many parts of the Gulf coast truly saddens us," said Joe Francis, founder and CEO of Girls Gone Wild, in a statement." A truly moving remark, but I don't think it is open arms they are filming.

Bill Horn of Mantra Films, the company behind "Girls gone wild" ( I won't go there) said that "Doggystyle" has been one of the most profitable videos in the history of the company. The estimate for the donations are in the ten thousands.

Joe Francis, America salutes you for being a true humanitarian. This just demonstrates that it doesn't matter what role you play in this country, Lady Liberty lifts her toga,,,sorry, I mean raises her torch to you. God bless us everyone!

The punishment of evildoers

Katrina's force barely clipped New Orleans. Everyone felt relieved that they had been spared. One person was recorded as saying that God was on their side. I thought to myself "Who is he kidding!" God delivering that hotbed of godlessness? The next day the levies broke and New Orleans took a bath. I didn't hear the same sentiment. All was quiet. Mr. "God on our side" would have to say publicly "I was wrong. We are really getting a spanking for our godless ways."

Some Muslims were quick to point out God's judgement of evil America as illustrated by the New Orleans disaster. Then an earthquake hit Pakistan. Oops. Let's not talk about what that meant.

You can't have it both ways. It is tempting to talk about God pouring out judgement of the evildoer. When it happens to us we want to be able to say that this is different. We are so enticed to state what we think God is doing to someone else. When it happens to us we ask, what did we do?

I choose to look at it like this. In the bible Matthew 5:45 says " For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and on the unjust, too." We can't know the mind of God and who he chooses to bless and who he chooses to punish. So let's not guess. God sends sun and rain to people regardless of who they are.

I have seen bumper stickers that express that same idea, not necessarily found in the bible. It simply states "IT HAPPENS!"

The end of the world

This has been a really good year for the doom sayers. Wilma is about to come ashore after Katrina, Rita, and Stan. Those are some big acts to follow. You better have something that makes you stand out in the crowd. At the present time this is the most intense storm ever measured. That has gotten Wilma some exposure.

Not only do we have a quartet of hurricanes, let's not leave out the earthquakes, and the deadly tsunami. All of these catastrophies have taken a significant amount of human life.

It's natural to ask what has changed to cause this. The environmentalists trumpet global warming, that in the years to come it's only going to get worse unless we stop using fossil fuels. (I know I'm overstating.) At the same time the people who are waiting for the second coming of Christ say that this signals the end of the world before Jesus comes back. Both parties can point to the events and proclaim their doomsday senario.

To be honest I don't know what it is. I do know that when we see an increase we are inclined to percieve a pattern, to search for the deeper meaning, that what these all are, are the warning signs that the end is near.

Makes you wonder what these folks do on non-eventful days. It must just ruin their day when nothing happens.

The American way

I was at a department store today and as I wandered the isles I came across this sight, an Emergency Greeting Card Kit. It looks like it could have been dropped from a FEMA vehicle, (if any were around). As I thought it through I wondered if those whose lives had been ruined by natural disasters would be on the plethera of TV interviews telling the reporter through sobs that the thing they missed most were their greeting cards! Hell, where are you going to mail it? The post office is that pile of rubble at the other end of the block.

What I concluded was that this is just another example of American ingenuity. The next new thing waiting to be discovered. Apparently there was a putz who got an idea together, pitched to others, who liked it and bought in as well, and with the speed of George Bush decending on New Orleans, brought it to the American consumer. Let's not worry that people are offended or that we cheapen these tragedies! We are making money!

The thing that gives me hope is that they were all sitting on an end cap with clearance stickers on them. Apparently they didn't sell. This is the other side of American consumers. They vote with their pocketbook.

You just never know

I had a repair person over today to look at something in the house. He talked about the problem and ways to avoid it in the future. He was on hold for 15 minutes with the main company. I innocently shared that I had been on hold for 50 minutes before I even talked to a person. As the repair person was leaving he asked again about my experience with Microsoft. I shared it dismissively. I then spent the next 20 minutes as he told me how he had ramped up his computer to be able to game. Things like NASCAR and the like. He went into great detain about the money he had spent and all the new features that he installed.

The simple fact is that I didn't care. I don't understand spending $1800 so you can play a video game. We all have our own priorites. What struck me is that the man used something that I shared to launch into his passion. I realized that we are looking for anything to allow us to share our passion with others. Even if it is a trap.

Whose life is it anyway

I'm a raging extrovert. I don't mind talking about the things I think and feel. I'm married to an introvert who would rather not have the world know what she thinks. If I talk about something that happened to the two of us I have to tread very carefully as to not reveal what she thinks and feels.

We all dance a thin line about what is best for us and what is best for others. I have to remain true to what I believe and desire, but it's difficult to disregard the wishes of someone I care about. A balance has to be struck.

If you see me walking with my arms waving on either side, it's just me walking the razor's edge. Yea, it's okay honey, I didn't say anything too revealing. I promise.

Sacrifice

One powerful action has marked the landscape in the Gulf States in recent weeks. Sacrifice. People have poored out their money prayers and time to help those who are in dire need. It is heartwarming to see the goodness of people pouring of their resources.

Washington has opened its heart as well. In the spirit of generosity that defines us as a nation they have stepped up to the plate as well. Many have decided to give up their special little projects to give that money to the needy as well. Bridges, highway projects, special land use, and the list goes on. The outpouring of their hearts are truly moving. Only one problem; IT'S NOT THEIR MONEY! I have heard it said that a liberal is a person who is willing to spend someone else's money. I think this moves across party lines. I think the staement should change. I think it should read, a politician is a person who is willing to spend someone else's money. And lets tack this on as well... and take the credit for it.

You have some spare money I could donate? I wouldn't mind looking generous as well.

Podcastaway

Podcasts. What a trendy new way to view the world. I consider myself a pretty techy guy. I thought I would get into the new technology and explore them. So I clicked on the link. A whole world opened up to me. It was like entering a library without the ability to view the spines of the books. I scrolled and scrolled and scrolled. I switched categories and scrolled and scrolled and scrolled. The only thing that broke up the landscape was the red box with the word explicit in it. My mind went blank and rather than feeling trendy I felt numb.

No wonder we are heading to destruction without a care in the world. We have too much to choose from. Our exposure to the world is getting larger and larger with no end in sight. I feel like a shipwrecked fool on a sea of information that threatens to swamp me at a moment's notice. We have more information at our fingertips than we know what to do with. Is there a plank from this shipwreck that I can swim to? Oh wait there are thousands. Choose or drown.

The interupter

I took my daughter, Bugsy, to the orthodontist. I was focused on asking questions about proceedures and cost. Bugsy kept interupting to ask questions that she thought were important.

Dentist: We will be installing the spreaders on the molars and what you...
Bugsy: Are these teeth here real?
Dentist: No that is just a model.
Me: Now how often will we have to adjust the...
Bugsy: Where did you get that Bison picture on your computer?
Dentist: I took that picture when I was in South Dakota.
And on the conversation went.

I realize that we have raised a very confident daughter! Maybe a little too confident. I stopped and told her to let the dentist talk. Then I thought I might have looked mean to the dentist, that I would shut down her inquisitive nature. I looked sheepishly at the dentist. He continued on without betraying a single thought.

The other problem with her interuptions is it is sometimes hard for me to stay on track. I can go off on tangents as many of my students know. When she changes the subject I forget what I am saying and I may drift a while. I guess the doctor could say I'm scatterbrained as well.

Maybe with all that metal in her mouth some of her questions will go unasked. We'll see

Life in Christ Pork Chop Dinner

Walking through town the other day I came across this sign. Life in Christ Pork Chop Dinner. It got me thinking. I assumed the meal was being served in a church for a social funtion. Why not think outside the box. Why not have a line of frozen foods.? "Hi, do you have the Life in Christ Spaghetti and meatballs?" "How about the Life in Christ fried chicken meal?" "Yeah, that would be in isle 6 next to the Uncle Ben's." Would they sell Life in Christ Man-size meals?

Why not a restaurant? "Hi, welcome to the Life in Christ Diner. Did you want to sit in the saints or heathen section?" Obviously if Christ did come to the Life in Christ Diner, He would sit in the heathen section. Those were the ones he hung around with when he was here.

Last time I checked Life in Christ was an existence, not an event or a destination.

Differences in crisis management

The world has dealt humanity another blow, to a far away region. The earth crust shifted and lives were ended. I found out about it on Google. There was no disruption in the force, as a thousand life forces were extinguished. No, it was just a double take at an Internet headline.

As I listened to the reports coming in from the other side of the world I am struck that there is no chanting from any convention center of “HELP! HELP! HELP!” I don't think there is FEMA reporting in. There are soldiers. There are pleas to the soldiers that go unheeded. The victims complain that the soldiers don’t listen, but it doesn’t sound like they are surprised that their pleas are ignored. Grief makes them pushy, but I don’t think there will be any federal investigation into the handling of this tragedy.

In Guatemala they are just proclaiming whole areas of mudslides as mass graves. In this country we were doing DNA tests on charred bits of flesh after the Twin Towers collaped.

We live in an imperfect country, but it does have its advantages. Like accountability. No matter how people dance, the truth will come out. And while the punishments may not be as harsh as we would like them to be, they do suffer some.

Call me!

A phenonenon that I have been experiencing lately is a lack of response from companies. I'm sick to death of these insurance ads that promote how well people listen and respond to meet needs. If I get behind in a payment it is amazing how quickly I get a letter threatening to cut me off if I don't get the money to them immediately. It seems like when I need something I am calling many times before I can get anyone to respond.

Its not just the insurance industry. Other areas that I have needed service in as well as sending resumes for potential jobs. It too hard to send me a reply e-mail telling me that others are better qualified? I'm tired of not being contacted.

I have an oven problem now. I called the repair company and was told that they would call me within the day. That was a week ago. I thought the company was to provide follow up calls, not me.

I'm beginning to believe that the only people who are going to contact me are auto-responders, telemarketers, and spammers. I can't seem to stop them. Maybe the dirty secret is that if I buy from them I won't hear from them either. A tempting thought.

Nah, I'm not that rich.

The meaning of stuff

As I slapped though the large puddles all over our basement and surveyed the damage, we got to work sorting out what got ruined from what was able to be salvaged. Tabletops, the tops of plastic tubs and anything else that would keep the boxes dry were employed to not ruin any more of our possessions.

Then the sorting began. As the "wet" boxes were opened there were decisions to be made about whether something was able to be salvaged or not. If it could be saved we put it into a box. If it could not be saved, it was thrown in a garbage bag.

What amazed me was how a things value could change from its exposure to water. Something that was valued before, had no value now if it was soaking wet. We are so tempted to hang on to possessions and value them. It takes a crisis of some kind to allow us to get a glimpse of how important they really are in fabric of our lives. The blinders fall away from our eyes and we see possessions for what they really are. Just junk.

After the Deluge

We moved in the last two months to a new house. Since the move we have survived several pretty outrageous storms. Last night it RAINED! Three inches were recorded in our area. This morning lakes appeared where there were only fields yesterday. As the rain fell during the night, I thought smugly about how if I had been in my old house I would have had to deal with water in the basement. In our new house we have a sump pump.

What I was unaware of was that sometime during the night the sump pump stopped. When we got up this morning and surveyed the aftermath of the storm, we had a very shallow lake in our basement. Boxes yet unpacked sat soaking up the rainwater like thirsty sponges. I spent the day cleaning up, throwing out and repackaging.

When my first son was born I remember him sleeping in bed with us. As he slept I put my hand on his chest and could feel his heart working hard to deliver vital blood to the rest of his body. I realized that I could take some responsibility in his safety, but there were other forces at work that I had no control over. Just like my sump pump.

I'm tempted to think that I have a lot of control over my life, that I'm resilient and responsible. What is hard to realize is that I'm much more fragile than I want to accept, and that the homeostasis of my life runs on systems that I count on but stay strangely unaware of.

Harriet Miers

What a system of government we have here. Bush playing the consumate politician is betting he knows the game. Get someone who doesn't have a paper trail, and a woman to boot. It will be hard to "beat up" on a woman. And with what? At this time there seems to be little information. Bush played Roberts and won. Let's see how he does with Miers.

I have stopped looking at who has the moral high ground in politics. I believe that it is all about naked ambition. The Dems have been spoiling for a fight with the replacement of O'Connor. There is a saying, that someone has been "Borked" The dems in 1987 came out swinging with Robert Bork, a nominee by Reagan, armed with his paper trail and savaged him. I have no doubt that the republicans would do the same if the shoe was on the other foot.

Increasingly we are getting less paper trail, so there is less to hit someone with. Hence Harriet. Who is she? We don't know. My guess is that it is going to be difficult to beat her up because the dems are going to have to find the clubs first.

Aging

Yesterday in the car I looked down at my hands. To my surprise I saw my grandfather's hands. I know my beard and my hair are increasingly gray. As I stared at my hands they had a tissue thin leathery parchment look. It was disconcerting. It is no big secret we are all aging and someday we will die, but I'm not sure I believe it. There was a sense of dread that came over me.

Today while driving my daughter to school we saw the leaves starting to change in preparation for winter. There were trees that had given in to the dying process and were the first to change. As I saw those trees I thought of winter approaching. There were some fleeting unpleasant thoughts, but at the same time there was a looking forward to cooler weather and a change of scenery.


Why couldn't I look at my hands like that?

Context

We moved out of the city. The day is brilliant and luscious. A slight breeze is blowing and I feel at peace. Somewhere to the south of us, gun shots are hammering at what I think is a nearby farm. I'm not worried. I would have been worried if we still lived in the city.