A Christian Agnostic

On a podcast discussion of a Christian and an atheist, they defined labels: Christian, atheist and agnostic. The atheist was very articulate in differentiating an atheist from an agnostic. He stated that he thought there may be such a thing as a Christian agnostic. As I mulled that idea around in my head, I wondered if I might not be…a Christian agnostic. I don’t think I’ve been one all my life, but as I am getting older and I am slowly losing the belief that I am the center of the universe, I think some form of agnosticism may define what I believe.

www.dictionary.com defines agnostic as follows:
1. One who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a God.
2. One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true atheism.
3. One who is doubtful or noncommittal about something.

How do I stack up to these meanings? I believe God exists. Scratch definition #1. I’m not skeptical that God exists. Scratch #2. I have struggled with doubt and commitment when it comes to God, so there may be a fit there.

In past years, I have seen God work in areas I was raised to believe He didn’t work in. Getting older I have seen God grow in size. Of course I was seeing new facets of God that I had NO idea existed. The more I see it, the less I want to box God into what I think He should or would do. It's His world and He needs no defending, He can take care of Himself...while He is taking care of me... and a gazillion other people. I want to refocus my thinking to realize that I don't know all the ways that God can act. Is that agnosticism?

Here comes one of those pesky agnostic thoughts. What if in referring to God, "He" doesn't apply. I know we are on safe ground referring to deity as a "He" from how He is referred to in scripture, but what if that is only because that is the best adjective in our language and cognitive structural makeup to be able to comprehend a small part of who God is in our feeble minds. "He" refers to a gender, and maybe God is no gender, or both genders. We are made in "His" image, male and female, so in some way both genders represent an aspect of "Him".

If in our eternal life God drops the curtain and reveals His thinking I expect to be blown away by how little I understood in my time on earth. Hopefully God can protect our heads from exploding when we see "Him". Maybe that is why God told Moses that no one can see "Him" and live.

And here is my agnosticism exposed. I don't know how and where God is working. I don't know what He is going to do next, and I'm becoming more comfortable in my doubt. I know He loves me, but I don’t know all the manifestations of that love. It makes the world more exciting to watch for the next unexpected appearances of God. So keep your eyes AND your minds open wide. God is coming…in fact God is here!

At least I think so...