I have had dealings in the past month with people who by nature are very controlling. Their motives are deceptive when they talk about their anger towards others they identify as controlling. I want to believe that they would have all live free. Yet if you listen long enough what you discover is that they would prefer freedom so they can impose their own control.
Control gives us the illusion of being safe. It allows us to erroneously assume that we can dictate the conditions of a given situation. We can't, but we feel comforted by the misguided belief that we can.
When I come to pivotal points, transitions in my life I realize I have three choices. I can attempt to impose control, which is an illusion anyway. I believe I have control by the force of my will, which I don't. Another option is to be victimized by it, a sense of reverse control, I seek control by imposing guilt or shame, by making others the cause of my pain.
The third option is to let go. This is a hard choice because it involves relinquishing the conviction of my control. It is scary. But it is by far the most freeing of all the options. In order for this to happen I have to believe that there is someone superior to us that is in control. For me that person is God and I rest in the idea that I don't need to control, because I am confident that He is has control. I am free if I am willing to let go.
It however strikes terror into those who choose the first two options. To them it is terrifying to live without their illusion.
2 comments:
I used to live a life where there weere schedules, boundries, expectations, I left that life not knowing what was to come next and found myself in total chaos. I no longer have structure and I have lost my tools that kept me grounded. I wake up everyday and I face another new hurdle and seems it doesn't matter if I have cleared the first one or not and before I know it, I feel as though I am expected to be Evil Canival and jump 20 buses. Someone once told me that control is not taken it given... How is control obtained? If we use control to feel safe then without it we are lost.
Don't fear though, because we do find control in unhealthy ways just to feel safe.
I have faith, but there is only so much God can do and the rest we have to do for ourselves.
I have found that in order to understand control it is helpful to understand what I have control of. The only true control we have is how we are going to respond to what life throws our way. All other control can be taken away with the right circumstance. Isn't that what happened to Job, in the Bible? He may have been a powerful person with a lot of control over his life and community but he lost everything on what at face value seems to be a dare from God to Satan.
In the end, all Job had was the control over how he was going to respond. Everything else had been taken away.
Letting go of control doesn't have to end in chaos. I still get up in the morning and go through my day. I still order my life as I see fit, but I am keenly aware that it could all fall apart and this comfortable little world I have made for myself could come crashing down. I realize that I don't have control over that.
I have a good friend of mine who was just informed that she has between a month to eight months to live. The ONLY control she has is how she is going to live through those days and how she will respond to that news.
I suspect, knowing her, that she will never lose hope, hope for the best outcome, and accept what she cannot change.
Post a Comment