I saw a bumper sticker the other day. It said "Religion is for people who don't want to go to hell. Spirituality is for those who have been there".
In the last couple days I have come to a startling revelation. The concept of Hell has been a huge motivator for me. I have realized that the word "Hell" has guided me through my faith-walk. I was reared on the concept that if you don't do certain things then you would be thrown into hell. Not sent, but thrown. It was a significant enough fear that at an early age I continued to pray to ask Jesus to be my personal savior. Not because I wanted to know God more. Not at age 5. I prayed that "prayer of salvation" because I was terrified of being thown in hell. TERRIFIED! My parents were happy that I was "saved"
I can only imagine how many sermons I sat through as an infant and a small child and absorbed the "hell message". Some of what I have stored inside is at such a primal level that I cannot even access it. I remember very little about God's love, maybe because it didn't register on my "TERROR-METER and I was too busy being terrorized. As I got older I was terrified of walking away from the faith because I would be thrown in "hell". A dichotomy was set up inside of me. I wasn't sure I wanted the religion that was being modeled for me, but I couldn't walk away for fear of going to hell. And that fear controlled me.
I compare it to a movie where a secret word is implanted in an hypnotized man. Months or years later, the hypnosis forgotten, the telephone rings and the man lifts the receiver to his ear. The word is uttered, which snaps him back in the grips of that hypnotic state. Zombie-like he heads off to perform a heinous act.
That word that would put me in a near-zombie state was "Hell".
Part of my salvation has been letting go of that fear. I realize that God is love. Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that His love has not been perfected in us.
I'm kind of fuzzy at this time about what my final definition of hell will be and what purpose it serves, I'm not sure if people are sent there, or just choose to live there. I can see the points of each one. But I have experienced God's love and heading towards that love is so much more rewarding, honest, and satisfying than fleeing the flames of hell.
3 comments:
I'm not sure whether or not I believe in hell. Maybe not at all, or perhaps just not in the way it's described by pastors. It's not really mentioned all that much in the bible. And it definitely doesn't have the heavy emphasis that Christians place on it.
Every culture has some myth that keeps their children behaving - some monster that will get them if they don't do their chores, listen to their parents, behave, do what they're told....etc. Christianity is very much a culture, and hell very much fits into that role. Think of all the people who have been saved not so much because of God's love, but because of his punishment awaiting them if they don't straighten up.
Compare your early recollection of "Hell" and reference the definition of emotional abuse...
As for the bumper sticker, where can I get one? It is a short and insightful testament of faith.
I was the same way as a kid. At five I asked Jesus to save me and from there on out I recall asking him many, many more times because I was afraid I wasn't saved "right" and would be thrown into hell. The word scares me. It still brings up that fear of, "Oh no...am I good enough for Heaven??" But then I remind myself something you said to me...God loves us for our imperfections, too. Abba's Child has taught me a lot about trying to be the "perfect" Christian. It ain't gonna happen. And I'm okay with that. Because no matter what I know God will redeem me, and I am loved no matter what. And that helps me to relax and forget about Hell because it's not a place I will ever be. I've been through it...simply because I chose to seperate myself from God's love and light. I didn't rely on him. I didn't ask him for the help that I need. I complained and whined and tried to fix it all myself. And it all got worse. Until I came back and gave it to him. I still have that inner struggle that tries to do it on my own...but in the end I pray and give it to God. And for some reason, even though things may still suck I feel completely loved and I know that when this is all said and done...I'll be okay.
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