This person added, "I haven't forgiven this family member, but I'm not letting them know about it, because someday they might be all I have".Forgiveness is a powerful force at our disposal. We can grant it, we can withhold it. It is in our power, and our power alone. No one can make us forgive. And like all power the responsibility for its use good or evil resides inside us. I know that I have struggled with forgiving someone else. I don't want to let them off the hook.
My friend said a profound thing in that statement. Power was identified and ways to use it were articulated, a trump card waiting to be played at the right moment.
1 comment:
I guess I think of forgiveness differently than some others. I see it this way...if you don't tell them that you are upset and such then they can't do anything to "right" that wrong or apologize. To me forgiveness isn't for the person we are "forgiving" ... it's allowing us to not hold onto that quiet monster any longer than we should. Forgiveness is more for the person who has to forgive than it is for the person who has to be forgiven. Some people use it as a weapon and unfortunately the only one they really hurting is themselves. I look back at the things my family has done to me since my parents divorced. My maternal aunt and her husband have been really mean to me. I can't say I haven't forgiven them, or I have. And when I do forgive them, it's not necessary for me to walk up to them and say, "I forgive you for turning your backs on me because I chose to love and respect my father regardless what you were told about him or thought about him. I forgive you for telling my mother and the rest of the family and all your friends I was a rotten child for not being angry at my father and siding with my mother. I'm sorry that you feel that a child needs to chose between their parents." Am I still hurt? Yep. Do I think it sucks that they have conditional love for a family member? Yep. Do I forgive them to help them feel better? Nope. I will forgive them to help myself heal. I think when you forgive someone or not it's always for a selfish reason. Sometimes it's justified, other times you just have to say, "Umm...yeah...I need to stop holding this grudge."
It kind of irks me that this friend of yours is okay with basically admitting that the only reason they don't tell them how they feel is so they can use them in the future as the fallback when everyone else is gone. It just doesn't make sense to me. Why put yourself through that torture? If you're angry at someone, or don't want to be around them or whatever...then fess up to it. Don't keep them around just in case! This might end up biting this friend in the butt later on. The truth always has a way of coming out...especially at an inoportune time. (I learned that in a bad, bad way myself.)
Okay...now that I'm done rambling. Sorry. I just thought it was an interesting post...as per the norm.
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