Declaring my apostasy

I was surprised in the wake of Rev. Haggard’s downfall, by my lack of identification with the situation. In the past I would have believed he discredited christians everywhere. Now it felt as distant to me as any politician's demise. While I was sad for him and his family, I no longer believe that people like the reverend represent a true follower of Christ. But that is for God and him to decide.

Am I committing apostasy in admitting this? Pondering the word, I realized it would define where I am. "A·pos·ta·sy": Abandonment of one's religious faith, a political party, one's principles, or a cause

Don’t misunderstand me. I am not abandoning or renouncing God. He is the source of everything and renouncing God would be more insane than renouncing gravity.

What I am renouncing is a religion that maintains the belief that God can be contained and defined. I renounce the belief that these Christian leaders can identify what God is doing in the world. I renounce my belief that there is only one way to come to God as a follower of Christ. I renounce dogma that attempts to leash a Being that transcends limits. I renounce the belief that political power can usher in the kingdom of God. I renounce a belief that doctrine pushes aside love in favor of harsh rhetoric declaring boundaries of black and white, announcing who is in and who is out. I renounce the belief that when we are enjoying what would be defined by society as success, that we are experiencing God's blessings.

Put quite simply, I am giving up attempting to define. I am learning to not be frightened by, but embrace the mystery. I am learning to embrace the journey, to act on what God reveals in my life, and walk further away from judging what God is doing in our world, or who he is using to do it.

Martin Luther nailed 95 theses on the Chapel Church door in Wittenberg, Germany. I don't think I've listed that many or been as scholarly in my pursuit of what I believe. But I do believe that Martin Luther would have been called an apostate too for declaring what he believed and did not believe. I think he would make for good company.