Seeing with new eyes

This last week I have had an increasing sense of clarity in my thinking about my life, my spirituality, and the life around me. What is amazing to me is that while parts of the landscape looks pretty familiar, it has taken on a different appearance, as if there was a change in lighting, a change in vantage point. And the question that comes with this new thinking is, where have I been? Why am I seeing this now? It has been here all along, and yet it is like I am seeing this for the first time! There are ah ha moments, spikes of understanding, and the almost grasping, but just out of reach.

I guess I have been on a journey that didn't pull back the cover on this part of the walk of faith. I was busy learning how to be less selfish as a parent and giving to others. Not perfect, but growing. Now that many of the kids are gone, the activity is less and has given me more opportunity to think about where I have been and where I am going.

For years I have had a hazy idea of what I didn't think was working in my life. There were times I attended church simply because my children needed an example, even though in my heart, I didn't know if I could call myself a "christian" any more. I didn't want to rock their world until I could define the direction I was taking.

I no longer label myself a "christian". I want to be a follower of Jesus and I am working to realize that more in my life each day. It is a slow process, and I falter, but I am okay with not having all the details filled in yet. The mist has momentarily lifted and I see the next segment of the path. Through the fog, I can see new landmarks, new peaks to head towards.

I am becoming increasingly comfortable with the process of growth. It isn't that I am not uncomfortable in the growth process. I am.  It is hard to grow sometimes. It just doesn't scare me the way it used to.