Nostalgia

This weekend we have been working on a project that involves going through hundreds of photos from our past. It has been an eye-opening experience for me. I am seeing the world through much different eyes than the ones that look back at me from the photos. I am struck by the look of innocence and naiveté on my face. Pictures of friends and family who's stories have have turned out less than they had hoped for, are haunting.

Those days are gone. There is no ability to get them back. So we reflect and evaluate. We look at the roads we took as well as the roads we didn't. Reflected in those photos were both good and not so good. In photos, it's mostly the joyful happy times we photograph. I didn't see any cameras flashing at Nancy's funeral. But the sadness hides on the outer edges of the photos as we remember what was also taking place at those times.

Memory is a balancing act. I am tempted to think about what my life would have been if I had made other choices and I am inclined to feel sad. And yet when I look at the life my wife and I have built, I wouldn't trade any of it. Not one bit.

Looking through the pictures, I feel a sense of wonder and sadness. I believe that is what we call nostalgia. Nostalgia, that emotion that holds reverence and regret in tension at the same time.