One thing that I realized and came to a head yesterday is how much emotional energy runs through me. Some of it is good, and some of it drags me down. It makes me the passionate person I am. It also blocks my creativity and relational aspects of my life.One thing I have realized is that I want to let some of this negative emotional junk go. Yesterday felt so freeing as I made my declaration.
Today was a test for me, and I collapsed. I didn't totally lose it, but there was enough negative energy to deflate high flying hopes.
However, that will not be the end of the story for me. I have decided to give my negative and self destructive emotions over to God and let Him morph them into more positive energy. Awareness makes things easier to deal with.
Salvation isn't a one time shot. It is turning the corner and walking in a new direction. It is a journey.
I turned a corner yesterday. I realized some things. I wanted to do things differently. Right now I feel clumsy. I haven't done this to the level I am proposing before so it feels awkward now. I am tempted to be discouraged. (Discouragement is a negative emotion that increases the likelihood of giving up.
I know it will become better as I keep doing what I have realized I need to do.
1 comment:
With my eating disorder treatment I'm learning the same thing. I've turned a corner and I just have to keep remembering that it's a journey. I can't be over all of this in one moment. But I have been told that intelligent people like ourselves have a hard time with "journey" thinking because we are used to being able to do things rather quickly...and very well. But I've learned over the past month that even though I keep thinking, "Oh seriously...I should be over this by now. I should totally have a handle on this." I know that I can't and won't have a handle on this completely any time soon. I just have to take it moment by moment (or meal by meal) and remember that if I do something "wrong" I just have to keep pushing foward.
This entry really reminded me of that...of just remembering to push forward at all times...even when I fall back...I just need to get up, dust myself off and push forward some more.
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