The tailgater hater

I don't normally give away entrepeneurial ideas for free, but here is an idea for an enterprising investor.

On the road today I came upon a truck carrying a roll of linoleum. It had been wrapped in plastic strips. One of the strips had unravelled and trailed behind the truck a good 25-30 feet. No one dared approach his bumper.

What a great idea for preventing tailgaters. I think there should be some sort of ribbon material that you can let out like a trolling line that waves at windshield level of the car behind you. That would discourage a would be tailgater to keep their distance. You could actually control how far you want the car driving behind you. And with that kind of control, there would be less feelings of rage towards those who approach you.

One kink you would have to work out is how to deploy it in stop and go traffic. If traffic were stopped it would lay on the ground. A disgruntled motorist would have the opportunity to run over it and break off the troublesome piece. Rage could ensue.

Going down fighting

Someone really wants Senator Larry Craig out. He plead guilty to soliciting for sex in a Minneapolis Airport in June and pressure is being levied against him from everywhere to get him out of office. Not good to be close to elections as well as happening in the city of the Republican Convention. And by asserting that he is not gay, he has angered that population as well.

One more time a public figure has been caught with his pants down! (I'm sorry. It was just begging to be said.) One more time, innocence has been asserted. How long does it take for someone to realize that the ship is sinking and it is time to jump off? The media loves it because it drives a story and creates a challenge for them to uncover even more evidence, the latest being the audiotape of his arrest.

I think Bill Clinton had the scandal strategy down. Lie, until you get found out, only admit to what they have evidence to, and when it all falls down, wonder out loud what the big deal was. It isn't pretty, but it kept President Clinton in office. I mean, what's the goal here, to convince the public of innocence, or stay in office?

The gospel according to Mazda

This morning on my way to work I had to slow down to miss hitting the rear end of a pickup. The truck was doing 50 mph in a 70 mph zone. I changed lanes when safe and moved around the slow moving vehicle. There was a white Mazda ahead of the truck that was moving at a slow speed as well with the pickup on its bumper. Passing the Mazda and moving into its lane evoked high beams in my rear view mirror.

We all want justice. I feel the anger towards rude drivers. I don’t like to be taken advantage of, pushed or butted in on. And in my anger there have been times where I have sought to take justice into my own hands.

The Mazda illustrated the difficulty with seeking justice. Seeking punishment for the truck, cars behind were punished as well, and frustration was felt by an increasing number of drivers. I was driving at a dangerously slow speed because of the truck driver’s error. The bright lights could have been potentially dangerous as well.

I don't need to seek justice for myself. This I can leave to God. In seeking to mete out justice, it is never solely focused at the offender. Others may be punished for it as well, which could create a bigger pool of those seeking retribution. The energy I give out will be the energy that I get back.

I remember counseling a person many years ago that used to run people off the road who made him angry. One day he missed the other car and ended up driving into a tree. That is what brought him in for counseling. He thought he "might have a problem." What goes around comes around.

I don’t need to be the judge, because I do it badly and I don’t have the skill to surgically strike another, or it is employed out of anger or revenge. Also, there are times when I act rudely too and I need forgiveness not judgment.

Accepting yourself

I am continually reminded of a powerful truth about human nature. Many people would rather stick a needle in their own eye than face the truth about who they are. Substitute remedies are employed with the belief that healing is just around the corner. When the person becomes accustomed to the surrogate cure and it’s efficacy is diminished, the person is still left with the deep-seated need that has not been addressed. What they absolutely won’t do is admit who they really are and get help.

It is painful to look at who we really are. It takes courage to admit our faults and failings. And yet if we don’t face our imperfections, we remain in hiding from the outside world. Shame can hold us prisoners to our feelings and ourselves. Many believe that if they admit who they really are they will be rejected and that would be unbearable.

The truth is that they deceive themselves. They stay frozen in their fear and end up spending all their energy on deception and control, having very little passion left over to enjoy life. They stay unaware of the freedom that awaits them, ensnared in their own delusions.

There is no quick start, there is no short-cut. You need to turn the light on yourself and face the truth there. You need courage to accept and embrace all parts of yourself before you can truly be free. And that truth is able to set you free.

Right where I decided to be

Over the years, one of the things I have learned is that we end up right where we decide to be. I have worked with clients that have lamented what their lives had become, but if you follow their decisions it becomes apparent that the choices they made in their lives logically led them to where they are at that moment. Their complaints stem from the belief that choosing certain things should have led them in different directions.

I sang at my son's wedding on Friday and received a number of compliments on my performance. Years ago I had had to decide whether to move into promoting my talents more and spending more time away from the family or moving away from that ambition and being around my family more.

I chose to walk away from advancing my possible music career and focusing more on my parenting career. I'm not happy with the destinations some choices I have made have taken me.

But on Friday night I was happy to be where I was, and I truly felt glad for the choices and the sacrifices made. I lost a potential music career, but gained greater involvement in the lives of my truly amazing children. I felt honored that they wanted to include me in their lives. That is worth more to me than any accolades I could have recieved performing my music.

Answered prayers

"When God wants to punish you, He answers your prayers." Karen Blixen in Out of Africa.

"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers." Garth Brooks.

I don't always know what I need, but I usually know what I want. And many times my knowledge of myself is so limited that what I want may not be what I need.

I guess the more effective prayer is..."Your will be done".

Fighting desire

The weather was very dry up north last weekend, which made it very comfortable for walking around and packing up dry tents, bags, and clothes. But the sun was hot as well and as I walked, I sweat. We were heading to a campsite about 3 miles away. On the way there we passed a few creeks that were as dry as a bone. When we got to camp and surveyed our water situation we realized that we were going to have to monitor how much water we drank: which we did.

As the night went on the bottles looked more tantalizing, but we resisted the temptation. The next day we hiked until we were by a stream. When we finally sunk our filters in the water, we couldn’t get enough water. All through the afternoon we drank, and drank, and drank. It wasn’t until late in the evening that I felt I had gotten my fill.

It was surprising how strong the desire was for something I couldn’t have. The body craved it and the mind desired it. Focusing on how much I was missing it only made it worse.

In my past I denied myself things to move towards a more spiritual plane, but I remember always fighting the urges, and when I succumbed, I would be angry with myself.

Instead of denying, I have found it helpful to ask myself “Do I really want this”, rather than saying “I can’t have this”. It takes a lot of energy to fight desire, and a lot of times I succumbed because I just got tired of resisting.

Ah, the power of politics

The 35W bridge has fallen. Not all the bodies have been recovered, and the fighting begins over what should be included with the new bridge.

After the riots that ensued with the acquittal of the police officers that beat Rodney King on video, Rodney pleaded “can’t we just all get along?”

There is a simple answer Rodney. No, we can’t. Not as long as people chase after power.

Katrina versus 9/11

In class the other day we were talking about flashbulb memories. These are memories that are seared into our minds in catastrophic events. We talked about being able to vividly recall what we were doing when 9/11 happened. One of my students thought that Katrina should be the new 9/11. I remember bits and pieces of the unfolding story of Katrina.As we talked about it, I admitted that it didn’t have the same impact as 9/11, and I wondered why.

Did 9/11 eclipse Katrina because of the scope of the tragedy was so much quicker on the timeline of the actual event? 9/11 lasted a number of hours, Katrina stretched on for weeks Was it because the class and race of people affected? Was it that one made us feel more vulnerable?

I think we felt vulnerable when the planes flew into the buildings. I remember looking at the sky and wondering what else was going to happen.

Katrina was horrible for the cost in human life and misery. It was telling in how it ripped off the scab of our society and gave us glimpses into parts of ourselves. It may be something that we as a nation may be working hard to forget because it is a side of us that we don't like to admit. But it didn’t make me feel vulnerable. 9/11 did that. When I think of the Mississippi Gulf coast devastation, I think of the dangers I face in the region I live in, and the dangers I don’t face because I don’t live somewhere else.

9/11 revealed the dangers I face being an American. And I wonder if African-Americans look at Katrina and feel vulerable as well?

A change of perspective

Hanging around the campsite I found a log at one end of fire ring. I sat down on it and it felt sturdy. After a minute, without warning it rolled slightly to the back. Head went backwards and feet went skyward.

The ground behind was soft and I stayed in that position to allow the other campers to laugh without feeling rushed.

While I lay on my back I stared up at the trees that surrounded me. From that angle the birch trees looked majestic. They looked so regal and timeless. And the tops of the trees appeared so far away.

Years ago I owned a compact Toyota pick-up. As I pulled it into the apartment complex parking stall, two boys were sitting on the curb. When I got out, one of the boys said, “Wow, it’s Bigfoot”. I grinned at him and thought of how cute he was. It wasn’t until later sitting on the same curb eating a sandwich I saw the truth of what the boy was saying. From curb level my compact truck appeared massive. All it took was to see the world from his angle.

While I’m sure I looked ridiculous lying on the backside of the log with my feet in the air, for me the environment had shifted in an instant and I gazed at a whole new world. Sometimes you have to look hard to see things differently, and sometimes it comes on the flipside of a log.

Leave no trace

I went backpacking this weekend, and I want to let you know, I practiced "leave no trace" philosophy. The philosophy states that if you venture out into the wilderness, you should have so little impact on the environment that people could not tell that you had been there at all, leaving the world in the pristine condition you found it.

I proudly proclaim doing my part in "leave no trace". At the trailhead I parked my car over a Mountain Dew can sitting in the middle of the parking stall. We were gone for two nights. When we got back to the car, we slowly pulled out, leaving the can in the same pristine shape that we found it in.

No one could tell we had been there!

Forgive me for being so forward

I get frustrated by e-mails with headings like "I am sending this to you to see how many actually read their e-mail." Got to love the misspellings at the end. Why does it matter to you whether I read my e-mails or not. What if I don't? I can tell you plain and simply, if you want to send me a note to let me know how much you care about me, thank you. Turning it into a poll, a competition, a survey, or a promise of personal gain, earns it a trip to the trash.

One of my personal favorites was an e-mail from a friend with the heading "You are one of eleven people in my life" and it was addressed to 16 people. When I shared that with her she laughed hard and said "I hoped you hadn't noticed. I just couldn't select just 11 people."

I struggle as well with "soldier forwards". I know how important it is to remember the tremendous personal sacrifices soldiers have made. Maybe, instead of being invited to send the soldier e-mail on to your entire contact list, we should sent personal notes of gratitude to the soldiers themselves. I know that the family member of mine in Afghanistan is in the forefront of my mind most of the time, and I don't need an e-mail to jumpstart my appreciation for him.

Sadly we are a nation of convience. It is easier to forward than to express in our own words what we think and feel. I guess I put as much energy into reading something as someone puts into sending it.

Reporter, social worker, and missionary

I listened to a radio report about life at Scenic Trails, a post-Katrina FEMA trailer park. Hopelessness and despair ran rampant in the park. Several of the people the reporter interviewed talked about wanting to kill themselves, but hadn't done it yet. It was painful to listen to. What the reporter did really well is document the many layers of issues that the residents are dealing with and was very clear that this wasn't an easy or a quick fix.

In the segment the reporter talked to residents, a social worker, and a missionary. The reporter reported on the conditions, the social worker said that the residents needed to move out to escape the poverty and despair. The missionary stated that conditions were pretty hopeless, that residents come out but there appears to be little change. When the missionary was asked about the suicide comments, they attributed the comments to attempts at manipulation by the residents, admitting, "the only reason they are saying that is that they want something from you".

All three had a message of salvation. The reporter believed that if she were able to create an awareness of the plight of these people, people on the outside would be compelled to help. The social worker believes that if they can just get enough money to break away from the pit of despair they would be healed, but there is very little if any money to be able to deliver them. The missionary couple believed, even through his cynicism, that if the residents would just embrace their version of the gospel, they would be delivered.

The plight of these poor people is most likely a mixture of the three. Some of their problems are that they have been forgotten, they don't have the money to spring themselves from this environment, and enough belief in themselves and a God who would love to heal them and give them the strength to move ahead.

All the while they sit stuck in their misery.

Foundations

In the town of Rogers I have been intrigued by a lone graveyard that sits amidst graded lots awaiting construction projects. A Cub grocery store and a Lowes hardware store are close to the site. The church is long gone. All that remains are the tombstones and a gravel road that surrounds it.

What that graveyard reminds me of is that we are all building on and around the remains of those who have gone before. I don't know who the dead are, and what they did with their lives. But they lived at one time, and they built connections, both positive and negative, and those who have come after have constructed their lives on the foundation of what they were given. In the construction the offspring have either continued the road on, or took their lives in other directions.

None of us start from scratch.

Only in the Midwest

In this state we have been known for "Minnesota Nice", the idea being that people in this area are just nicer to others than other parts of the country. Because of all the conflict fearing Norwegians in the region, people here would rather die than create a conflict.

Several days after the bridge collapse in Minneapolis, Don Shelby a news anchor icon in the region talked about Minnesotans response to the bridge collapse and the heroism that ensued. He said the phrase should be changed from "Minnesota Nice" to "Minnesota Guts". I shook my head in disbelief for Don who should have been embarrassed for himself. I thought of how insulting that must be to people all over the world who had approached disasters with the same sense of bravery.

Here is what he could have said. One woman's car was missing and was presumed dead. After a couple days someone got the idea to call her work phone to see if anyone had heard from her. The woman presumed missing and dead answered the phone. Her car had fallen into the river, she swam to safety, had gone home and reported for work the next day.

Now that is a trait of midwest people. Everyone here is so darn reliable. I propose a new phrase for Minnesotans, and this woman can be the poster child of the phrase; "Midwest Dependable". This is defined as even though your car went into the river in an unprecedented bridge collapse, you almost lost your life as you fell and then swan to safety, even then you felt the need to show up to work the next day.

Now that is definitely Midwestern, handed down through the generations by hardy folk who endured many obstacles to survive in the sometimes unforgiving plains.

In a split second

Our neighbors who just delivered their baby talked about getting to the hospital. After uncertain days about whether the baby was coming or not, the process started. The husband had just gotten to work some 50 minutes away. His wife called to say her water broke and she was heading to the hospital. He turned around and headed home.

On his way home a semi truck in front of him blew a tire, flinging rubber in random directions. Before he could do anything a large piece smacked into his windshield shattering it, leaving a hole in it and spraying him with glass shards.

His mom came down to pick him up. After showering the glass off himself at home, he left for the hospital, leaving the car on the road for the tow truck to pick up.

We are positively reinforced each day we live with the absence of catastrophe, that we are immune from calamity. Our neighbor's experience along with the bridge collapse this week in Minneapolis, illustrates an idea we don't like to think about. Our lives hang on a moment.

A split second can change all that thinking. And in the aftermath of tragedy we sit stunned and dazed saying "I can't believe this is happening to me! And for a brief span of time we experience the fragility that is truly our life. A clarifying moment of truth when disception is difficult, and we see with appalling lucidity how much of our life we really do control.

A split second can change your life.

Low commitment protest

On the road there were a group of protesters holding signs up and pleading for the war to stop. "Honk if you want peace" the neon signs read.

I want peace. Not just around the world but in my own life as well. I want peace...so I honked.

I don't know that it helped any of us.