Spritzer my ass

In looking for ways to shave calories from my daily consumption, I found this item at the grocery store. It was a one-calorie per spray for applying to leafy substances many dieters devour. I bought it, because in the past I have heard weight gurus talk about calorie reductions happening if you dip your salad into the dressing on the side.

In considering this spritzer product, there was an intuitive sense that it would be even easier to apply dressing to the salad with a more focused approach than dipping. I was energized in putting the bottle in the cart.

At home that night I decided to apply the product to the salad I had assembled. One pump of the plunger equaled one calorie. I decided to live large and shot four squirts onto the green leaves. I stabbed it with my fork and shoved it in my mouth. I bit down expecting a burst of satisfying flavor. I gave two chews and then lingered waiting for an indication that what I was chewing was more than just lettuce.

There was no flavor other than heavy lettuce flavor. No tang, no zip. Just lettuce. Oh wait! What was that? I guess it is nothing, still lettuce.

I sprayed more on with similar results. I couldn’t taste the spritz. In frustration I unscrewed the bottle top and poured it over my salad. I could taste the flavor, but I totally lost track of calories in any event.

I don’t think this product is going to catch on unless they started haranguing the R and D department to produce more taste. If it did would there be emergency room conditions that resulted from overdependence on spritzing? There is a medical condition resulting in painful thumbs from over-indulging the scroll wheel on a Blackberry e-mail device. It’s known as Blackberry thumb. We could call this condition Spritzer finger. I can tell you that the only medical condition I could potentially suffer from is it rebounding from the wall I threw it at.

I think I'm safe. If I threw it at the wall, even though it has no taste, I would put money on the idea that if the container broke, it would stain the walls and I would be forced to paint. And that would piss me off in a whole new way.