In the last six months I have lost thirty pound. I feel better, clothes fit better and my knees don't scream quite as loud when I walk up stairs. I could lose more, but I feel good about the loss I have achieved.
I lost pounds about ten years ago. I was warned that I have Impaired Glucose Tolerance and was moving towards diabetes. That scared me enough to get me moving and I lost 30 pounds.
I remember the day ten years ago when responding to some deep emotional pain I said "%&*S@, I don't care. I started eating carelessly and desperately. In a short amount of time I was back to where I had started, and then some. And it has stayed that way for the last ten years.
In my growing awareness of the needs of the world and looking at my own voracious consumer response, I am working to cut back on my consumption. My body is a testament for my own consumption response. Want equalled need.
At 30 pounds I have stalled again. I think it is a combination of several things. One is that it may be an indication that I have reached the outside edge of my self concept at this time. My brain is saying "this far and no further."
The other possibility is that I am spiritually obese. I have been receiving a lot of input from people I look to as mentors. I have things I want to follow, but lethargically I let the days slip by without action. Spiritually I am taking in, but I have not been exercising, spiritually speaking.
I don't feel I am in the same place I was ten years ago. There has been healing and while I find myself meeting more of my wants than I would like, there is more control, and less insatiable need. I am in the process of assessing where I am, where I've stalled, and how to get going again.
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