Hearing God's voice

As I was walking and meditating on an encounter with someone with whom I have struggled, I believe I heard God say that it was time to seek healing. The rest of the walk was setting up a plan for achieving that healing.

I told my wife about the voice and my plan to enact healing. My wife promptly stated that she didn't think it was a good idea. With her words I became confused because I was sure I had heard God speak to me. I was frustrated by her response. We e-mailed back and forth and I told her that I wouldn't be a spiritual bully, and she told me that if God was speaking, she wouldn't stand in the way. 

I felt even more confused. How can God say contradictory information to different people? I decided to not act until I got more information. For a number of days, I didn't hear any voice telling me what to do. I became a little frustrated with God for his silence.

On my walk later on that week I told God so. I told him I thought it was unfair to tell people different things and create conflict where there didn't have to be any. There was silence for a while and then God, in a vision, took me to a room. In this room the person I was struggling with was on his face before God, as was I. God bent over the other person and said to him, "Stand, my child. Come with me"

Outraged, I stood and shouted "Aren't you aware of how this man has hurt me? You are going to usher this person in to your presence, knowing the pain that he has caused?!"

God gently turned his eyes to me. In a quiet voice he whispered "Are you unaware of how YOU have hurt me? What is this to you? I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion! You worry about your relationship with me, and I will worry about my relationship with you and the billions of others who are in relationship with me. Your words don't sound generous at all."

I started out the week looking for an avenue of healing another and my ability to be an instrument of that healing. God showed me that I was not ready for invoking healing on another, because I was listening with a self serving ear and not with the ears of God.

Speak and your servant will attempt to listen better. Thank you God for those around me that help define your voice more clearly than I am capable of hearing on my own.