Things I don't understand 2

I don't understand why we are so willing to share our joys with others, but we keep our sadness and pain to ourselves, while we suffer alone. It may be because we are afraid to face who are really our friends.

The people we hide

I was joking around with the waiter the way I always had. We poked good natured fun at each other. Then something triggered inside him and he started talking about the difficulties that he had faced in the last few years.

He talked about the pain that he felt and the goodness of people in his life. I'm not sure I understand why he chose this time to speak his mind. Perhaps he felt safe enough to talk. 

It was a great reminder that everyone has a story. In our fun, we can easily cross lines and injure people. Or we can be a healing presence to others. We have no idea the impact we have on another or the story they are hiding.

My lying heart!

I saw a bumper sticker that read "I love Jesus, it's his followers I can't stand." The charge is that they are hypocrites, not living up to the words of Jesus.

I was at a church that would be considered "emergent". The setting was very different than most "churches". When participants were given the opportunity to speak, one woman got up and requested prayer for all the churches that were so judgmental.

In following Jesus, ideology, or any other teacher, I listen to the teachings. From the teachings I interpret. If I am unsure, I lean on those around me of who I perceived as of like mind. I have a sincere desire to get things right. Once there is revelation or interpretation, I tend to incorporate that into my life. Then I attempt to make sure those around me “get it right” as well.

But my heart lies to me! I want to believe in my own sincerity in my thoughts and intentions. I am a good man on a good course. I believe I am following the tenets of the ideology. A sense of pride, a sense of “I see the light” settles in and I believe I am on the path to the promised land!

As an example, I have been looking for practical ways to reduce my impact on our environment. I have worked hard to get my home garbage output down, as well as making sure what ends up in the land fill biodegrades as much as possible.

Just the other day I needed to obtain a stool sample of my dog from a deposit in the front yard. I was looking for a plastic spoon so I wouldn't soil one of my stainless spoons. The visual of using a spoon that had canine fecal matter on it at one time was not a image I relish recalling. I found a box plastic forks. Since I needed a spoon I put the box back. A recycling symbol caught my eye on the corner of the box. It encouraged recycling the box. Obviously not the forks! The package touted using less plastic in their product. I shook my head at their pitiable gesture. I reasoned that their packaging would disintegrate in the landfill far before their product would, and wasn't that pathetic!

I found a plastic spoon and took it out in the front yard where I retrieved a stool sample, put it in a disposable plastic Ziploc sandwich bag and sealed it up to take it to the vet clinic. After my self-righteous mental rant, it dawned on me that I might be a "green" hypocrite. I certainly wasn't doing any better than that company I was judging so harshly. I WAS judging their intentions much more severely than I was my own. I was creating plastic non-biodegradable waste for my own convenience.

Words of wisdom for all of us hypocrites out there… you know who you are! 'Fess up.

"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor

Challenges and more challenges

Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Here is the short blog. 

There a lot of things that happened this weekend that we didn't predict. I can spend time worrying about life, but it is the unpredicted events that can throw us off kilter. It may be a blessing that we don't see these things coming, because I think we would be much more tempted to check out on life. The admonition to not worry about the future makes sense, because it keeps us from getting paralyzed today, instead of celebrating it.

The long blog if you care to read it.

We were going up to watch our son run in Grandma's marathon. I was going to drop my wife off and pick her up at work on our way out of town. She ends up at a different location where she needs her car. She also doesn't feel well. One of my other sons who is joining us, isn't getting off work until "sometime between 4 and 5PM". I take the dog out in the early afternoon and her stool is an odd color, and she is throwing up the water she has just ingested. I am concerned and take a stool sample to our vet. The vet clinic said there were no parasites, but the color of the stool is concerning and that the dog should be checked out because it could be life threatening. They say I can't bring her in to the vet because it so close to the end of their day. I need to bring the dog in to the Emergency vet ho$pital. The dog continues to produce scary looking stools but presents with happy-go-lucky dogface.

Deep breath!

My wife is feeling better we decide to go for it. We reserved a room in Moose Lake that night. We get a call asking if we could bring my son's fiancé's sister up. We say yes, as long as the dog's exam isn't serious. My wife gets home, we pack up the car, drive down, pick up my son, head to the vet clinic where we are told that the dog looks okay, but keep an eye on her. We call fiancé's sister to say we are heading north so we have a seat in our car if she still wants it. She does. The phone rings. My wife's mother has taken a bad fall and is at the hospital. We put together contingencies, but my wife's sister was in town and is graciously willing to stay at the hospital. We were still heading north.We meet in a Cub parking lot and fiancé's sister gets in. The good thing is because it is so late in the afternoon the out-of-town traffic was pretty light. Delivered fiancé's sister where she needs to be and head back to hotel. All goes well checking in. Dog produced another icky stool but seems perky and energetic.

Deep breath!

The next day starts pretty normally. The dog seems to have new life and is ready for life's adventures de-jour. Sis-in-law calls to say there is no surgery scheduled for my mother-in-law.  We find our party at mile marker 19 of Grandma's marathon. Traffic is lighter than expected. We watch a person go by and cheer for him, before realizing that that was not our son! Oops! Our son bounds by shortly after. We make no mistake this time. The dog hasn't eaten anything for 20 hours and is wanting to explore and challenge everything. The end of the marathon, my son did an outstanding 3:59:11 minutes on the marathon. We all celebrate, my son limps around. We go out to eat. Call comes in that mother-in-law is still not in surgery and she hasn't eaten all day. We head back home with the idea of dropping my wife off at her parent's home and she borrow a car. I drop her off, drop my son off, go to the vet hospital where I am told the dog looks like she is doing okay. Dog and I head home.

Cleansing breath!

At the end of the weekend it was good. We were able to affirm our love for our son by being spectators for a challenging task of his. There were challenges to overcome, and we overcame them and had a good weekend. I think knowing what would have to take place we might have been sorely tempted to just stay home... but I'm glad we didn't.

Things I don't understand 1

I don't understand why, if we are supposed to present a professional image at work and asked to wear a certain type of clothing, why is it that if management wants to treat you they offer to let you wear less professional looking clothes.

What happened to the image they wanted to uphold?

Random acts of bananas

For the last class period in my Interpersonal Relations class, students can bring in food to share. I came upon the brilliant idea to bring in bunches of bananas. They are good for you, already prepared and neatly wrapped for individual consumption.

I over-estimated the amount that would be consumed so I had quite a few left over. I decided to personally randomly distribute them among my co-workers. I decided not to give anyone an explanation, but just offer them.

There were many looks of confusion about why I was passing out bananas and why I was offering it to them. Most of them took a banana and thanked me.

The lack of explanation caused a level of suspicion but I think there was an acceptance of the gift on the quality of my character. They may have realized that I wouldn't intentionally hurt them. But you could see them attempting to understand what had just gone on.

Very few asked me why I was giving them out, but I think that all enjoyed the banana.

One of my co-workers blogged about being on the other side of the random act. I thought it would be fun to link that blog to this.

What to do when a co-worker offers you a banana.

Freed from greed

Apple just announced the next generation of iPhone. With all the new features, I found myself in full blown lust mode. I WANTED IT. I NEEDED IT. I found myself teetering on the irrational side trying to find a way to get it.

And then I stopped. I am working on being content with where I am and what I have. Rob Bell, in his book "Sex God" says that freedom is living without all the things you want and being content with that. I agree with that statement. I am free when I am not driven by the greed of possession.

When I was in the throws of lust, the promise was that this item would make my life complete. If I put it in that way, I see the absurdity of that statement. OF COURSE THE IPHONE WILL NOT COMPLETE ME!  ( sorry for going all Jerry McGuire on you) If an iPhone is all it takes to complete me, then what does that say about my worth as an human being or a spiritual being?

I will be content in my nice and functional cell phone and accept that I am loved by God and in that I will be content...and free.

Replacing

Tick, tick, tick comes the rhythmic song of my walking shoes on the path. There is something loose and it makes a ticking or popping noise everytime the shoe flexes.

I don't hear it when my iPod is on, but in the silence the refrain comes through loud and clear.

I am heading to Mexico in a few weeks and my goal was to use them there. Instantly I thought, I must replace them.  My second thought was "why"? Why do I need new shoes. Just because there is a little flaw in the shoe, does that mean that I need a new pair?

I have been socialized to believe that if something doesn't work perfectly, it should be replaced.

... Why?

Paying for beauty

I went backpacking last weekend. We started after a deluge flooded the area we were walking in. The rivers were overflowing their banks, making lakes across the path and in some places, washing the path away. The power of water and the residue of the massive rainfall was spectacular. Little creeks were now raging rivers. The roar of the water was breathtaking. It created obstacles, but the overall effect was a fierce form of beauty.

The bugs were worse than I EVER have experienced before. They flew around my face, bounced between my face and my glasses, flying into my eyes. And then there were the bites. They were relentless. You couldn't stand still. My son built a fire and the choice as stand away from the smoke and be ravaged by the bugs, or stand in the smoke and tear up.

I started thinking about beauty and pain. There is a price exacted for viewing beauty, like an admission fee. Maybe the more we are willing to pay, the more beauty we are permitted to see. Remembering my friend, Nancy, her beauty radiated in proportion to the direness of her condition. I was able to see more of her beauty as I was willing to enter into the sadness of her loss.

Now a week and a half later I struggle to refrain from scratching my bites, I think back on the beauty I saw. Was it worth it? I think it was. I wouldn't have seen the beauty if it wasn't for the obstacles.

I see real beauty when I am willing to experience the pain that goes along with it.

Fragile

It is always sad to walk after a big storm. After the hail several weeks ago in my walk I was amazed and saddened by all the dead animals. Baby birds lie on the ground discarded from the nest. Small rodents sprawled along the path lying where they were hit by hail.

I am so fragile, but I don't feel it. I feel in control of myself. All the biological and psychological systems are working adequately and I am able to function reasonably well. I move through life with the confident belief that I am indestructible. 

Little bird carcasses remind me of forces that could tear me apart. It can come into my life from out of the blue, like hail.

Remembered!

 "Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for a child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! See, I have written your name on my hand. (Isaiah 49:15-16)

It is comforting to know that I am not forgotten, that God has written my name on his hand. For all the people in the world that God has not forgotten, he must have REALLY big hands!

Message from an earthworm

In my "everything is beautiful" mood I have found myself bending down (a movement that is getting harder as I get older) to pick up earthworms off the asphalt and toss them back into the dirt where they accomplish their job of turning earth. Truth be told, I play favorites. I don't do that for slugs. It is sad to see how many worms die on the asphalt when the moisture evaporates.

I found a rather large earthworm about halfway across the walking path. I bent over to pick it up. It twisted and writhed to escape my grasp. I made a few more attempts and then gave up. Who am I to deny a creature it's own destruction when it seems so bent on it.

The worm made me reflect on my own life and my own willingness to seek self destructive behaviors. I look at my eating patterns and see  my bent towards destruction. I look at my unwillingness to get adequate exercise and how it has hurt me. Like the worm I have twisted and writhed getting out of activities that could help me.

Hopefully I am changing, and unlike the earthworm, I am attempting to submit to forces that can move me out of destructive paths. 

Better to seek forgiveness

I have observed a man who lives by the motto "Better to seek forgiveness, than ask for permission." He uses this in all of his interactions with organizations and relationships. When he works with organizations he has had a little success. Where the tragedy occurs is in his relationships with people. He treats them the same. He bulldozes them and then attempts to apologize. It is so ineffective, because it makes those around him, who may have been hurt by him, more hurt and less willing to listen. 

And the coup-de-grace is when people turn away from him, he blames them for their struggle to forgive and move past it. 

Hearing God's voice

As I was walking and meditating on an encounter with someone with whom I have struggled, I believe I heard God say that it was time to seek healing. The rest of the walk was setting up a plan for achieving that healing.

I told my wife about the voice and my plan to enact healing. My wife promptly stated that she didn't think it was a good idea. With her words I became confused because I was sure I had heard God speak to me. I was frustrated by her response. We e-mailed back and forth and I told her that I wouldn't be a spiritual bully, and she told me that if God was speaking, she wouldn't stand in the way. 

I felt even more confused. How can God say contradictory information to different people? I decided to not act until I got more information. For a number of days, I didn't hear any voice telling me what to do. I became a little frustrated with God for his silence.

On my walk later on that week I told God so. I told him I thought it was unfair to tell people different things and create conflict where there didn't have to be any. There was silence for a while and then God, in a vision, took me to a room. In this room the person I was struggling with was on his face before God, as was I. God bent over the other person and said to him, "Stand, my child. Come with me"

Outraged, I stood and shouted "Aren't you aware of how this man has hurt me? You are going to usher this person in to your presence, knowing the pain that he has caused?!"

God gently turned his eyes to me. In a quiet voice he whispered "Are you unaware of how YOU have hurt me? What is this to you? I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion! You worry about your relationship with me, and I will worry about my relationship with you and the billions of others who are in relationship with me. Your words don't sound generous at all."

I started out the week looking for an avenue of healing another and my ability to be an instrument of that healing. God showed me that I was not ready for invoking healing on another, because I was listening with a self serving ear and not with the ears of God.

Speak and your servant will attempt to listen better. Thank you God for those around me that help define your voice more clearly than I am capable of hearing on my own.