I turned 53 several months ago. I have been in transition over the last few year. I used to call it midlife crisis. I don't think that describes it at all. I would refer to it now as transition. As I have reached this point in my life I am looking back and evaluating what I think has worked in my life and where I need change. Its much like a course correction.
The biggest thing for me to see is my own selfish needs at work. I have no trouble finding things I need or want. Some of them even cost a lot of money.
A student who I haven't seen in about a year, entered the classroom last week and remarked when he saw my Apple 12" Powerbook, "I expected you to have the 'Mac Book Air' by now!" I have seen it and I want it. I responded back "I am learning to be content with what I have."
This sounds like a noble statement, but I struggle with that very issue. Only a week ago I was attempting to see if I could get an iPhone. I probably would have purchased it if the one I wanted hadn't been $500. My need for more in insatiable.
I am in transition. There is a war going on inside of me that has been much fiercer in the past two or three years. I look at all I have as a resident of this country. I am wealthy beyond belief. And yet I "need" more.
The transition I am in is working to tame that beast inside of me. It isn't giving up without a fight, and even when it looks dead, its eyes will snap open at moments I least expect. And I don't fight it as hard as I need to, to defeat it. One could say I pull my punches.
Paul the apostle said it very well. A devout life does bring wealth, but its the rich simplicity of being yourself before God. Since we entered the world penniless and will leave it penniless, if we have bread on the table and shoes on our feet, that's enough. I Tim. 6:6-8.
2 comments:
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It is scary to respond to this blog because it asks questions to the reader. While working in a retail store I’ve been exposed to plenty of things that I “want”. Many of those things I purchased and now sit in my closet and some of the most expensive things are used the least. I know I have things that I don’t need but I cling to them equally as if I did need them. I create reasons for why I have what I have and If I remove my reasons I have no defense against my conscience. Even after that statement action is a hard proposition.
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