Unconditional love

I desire to be loved unconditionally. I believe that I love unconditionally. But sadly I have come to understand that I am incapable of that kind of love. I presume that I love unconditionally, but when things don’t go my way, I look for strings to pull. It actually takes mental work for me to let go of my needs and focus on the needs of another. It takes effort to put down the strings.

Unconditional love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. Fear warns me of danger so I can CONTROL the outcome and protect myself. I jump quickly from sacrifice to the need to control when another’s behavior goes in a way that was not predicted. Put another way, I look for the strings, hoping to manage the situation that allows me a favorable outcome. And as soon as I do, my love is revealed to have been conditional.

I remember years ago when I was dealing with a family. They appeared to have made so much progress and I was pleased. I was glad that the family was experiencing more peace in the relationship. Several months into this new attitude it all fell apart one night and they fell back into old patterns.

When I left the house, I was angry! I was furious with them. As I processed it on the ride home, I realized that I was angry not because the family was still causing pain to its members, but because I FEARED I was going to look ineffective to my superiors. I realized in a flash of insight, that I cared about how I looked, far more that I cared about how they functioned. And I had claimed to love them.

There are three things that will endure…faith, hope and love…and the greatest of these (as well as the one I will be the least effective at pulling off) is love.