Wake-up call

On Sunday, our pastor talked about how Advent is an alarm clock of sorts, welcoming us to new awareness. Alarm clocks stir us from slumber, and coax us to consciousness. A newborn cry from a barn put the world on notice that something had changed, that it was time to wake up to a new reality


The reality of Advent is that God made himself approachable. A little baby sparked wonder without the heart failure that had accompanied any previous message or messenger from God. Anyone can approach a baby.

Christ the savior is born! Time to wake up and meet a new day. So why do I keep hitting the snooze bar?

You don't know shit!

At the grocery store, a man in a santa hat, was proclaiming in a loud voice that one of the residents he had shuttled to the store, "shit all over the seat! That's right, there's shit all over the seat!" Laughing, he pronounced to everyone around that "they don't pay me enough money to clean up this shit!"

Old age is onerous. The body stops responding in familiar ways. Flaps and values designed to control bodily fluids don't work on command the way they did at younger ages. Leaking bodily fluids are harder to control. With body systems becoming more unmanageable, and messes more apparent, it is tough to retain a sense of dignity.

Is the van driver upset he has to clean up a mess, or terrified of a vision into his future? And if life isn't hard enough, it doesn't help having to deal with a shit-head in a santa hat!

Paying a forward forward

At a coffee shop I stepped up to the counter to order my standard small Cappuccino . The Barista looked uncomfortable as she informed me that someone had paid it forward and my Cappuccino was no cost to me. Surprised and clearly uncomfortable,  I suggested that she give it to the next person in line. She did and that person was delighted.

Why did I not take the drink? Did I not want to owe a person I never met? Did someone need it more than me? Would I appear greedy? Whatever the reason, I passed on a kindness. The world moved on carelessly.

I believe in the kindness of others, but it can be awkward to be the recipient.

In the mood

I have been accused of disliking everything Christmas. I am reluctant to hang outdoor Christmas lights, to help trim the home, and to listen to well-worn songs of the season.

Christmas is a difficult time of the year for me. It is close to a new year, with the introspection that it brings. As I get older, I look into myself, and wince at lost opportunities. I ache over damaged relationships. I see out-of-control selfishness in me that dares to be checked. In this time of Advent, attempting to focus on the coming of the Christ child into my life, I feel like a hyperactive toddler peering into the manger for a second before something else distracts me.

I can get in a Christmas mood, but it isn't always a fun mood to be in.

Reflexes

At 9:40 PM, a 22 year old woman is driving a stretch of freeway. She swerves to miss a stalled car on the shoulder, skids out of control, breaks through a mesh fence, flips over and lands, top-down, in a icy creek. She was there for 25 minutes before she was discovered, dead from undisclosed injuries.

 I can think I control my destiny, that it is in by my will that I thrive. And then a hasty compensating gesture proves us wrong.

At the cusp of life, it ends. And why? Because of a flinch.

Not in control

Friday I ate something that my body found offensive. It has been years since I last vomited. Oh, but I did Friday night! Once again my body reminded me that it is in control, not me. I received tell-tale signs that the retching was about to begin, but I was powerless to stop it. It's force squeezed tears from my eyes and brought me to my knees, gasping for breathe between the spasms.

Right now, I am captain of my ship and master of my fate, because my body hasn't found anything objectionable enough at this time to shut down the illusion.