Birthday presence

Yesterday was my birthday. There were things I wanted but nothing I needed. I got a toy for my birthday. It was great. I will use it and enjoy it.

I think though, that the best part of my day was dinner, where I was surprised by my boys and some of the girlfriends. It didn't matter what I got for birthday gifts. What I loved was being in the company of those I love and having them share their time with me. It wasn't presents, it was presence.

The Pharisee within

A while back a friend of mine recommended a podcast to listen to. The podcast is called “Dirty little secrets”. Don’t let the explicit label scare you away if you are interested in listening to it. On the podcast are two pastors who started a ministry called XXX Church. The website is www.xxxchurch.com. These two pastors wanted to bring the problem of pornography to a place where we can talk about it openly and in light of our faith. They wanted to get it out of the darkness.

One of their broadcasts they talked to a pornographer called Jimmy D. Not only were they talking to him, they had worked together on a campaign to keep porn out of the hands of children. They even were the officiating pastors at the wedding of his daughter.

As I listened I felt very uncomfortable. I kept thinking that Christians should not be associating with someone of his ilk. As they talked the discomfort grew. These guys were wrong.

What started to eek around the edges of my “faith” as I listened, was the understanding that it was exactly these people that Jesus associated with, to the point that he was called a drunkard and a partier. The Pharisees were marked in the bible by the belief that somehow they were better than the “sinful” masses. I realized that I was looking down my nose at this pornographer and judging myself more worthy than he. I was in fact a Pharisee.

I have realized that there is a wide disconnect between what I believe and who I really am, and I consider myself supremely blessed when that is pointed out to me, and I am able to hear it. I guess you could say that I was blessed by that podcast.

Misbehaving at the table

At church yesterday while waiting to take Communion, I pondered the mystery presented in the elements. What I realized again was that this is the table of Christ. I am called to participate. This is God's way for letting me experience family life, understanding that regardless of what I've done, I am accepted and welcomed and loved.

As we were waiting to leave our seats and recieve the elements, a father and daughter were playfully bumping hips. In fact the girl bumped her dad so hard that he almost lost his footing. They grinned at each other, walked to the front of the church when prompted and were included in the meal.

In my past the focus I have been aware of in Communion was that if you didn't do it right, sickness or death would be your fate. (2 Corintians 11:30) Receiving the elements was an experience of anxiety, hoping that God could see I was trying to do it correctly.

That is not how I see it now. God has included me in his family, regardless of who I am. I am there by grace. As I watched the hipbumping father daughter duo, it was good to know that even at the family table there are playful side conversations going on and we all are loved and welcome in God's dining room, even if we are misbehaving.